Cumberbuns and Confidence
Promised mortifying childhood photo delivered in 3, 2,…
[Elementary School Choir circa 1998]
There I am. On the right. I’ll allow you time to compose yourself.
There was more than one surprise lurking in my inbox yesterday. The second surprise was a notification from Facebook informing me that my friend had posted this charming little photo of me from our fifth grade yearbook. What an action shot huh? While she didn’t take this particular photo herself, she does happen to be a photographer. She is in the inauguration of her photography career, and she takes some stunning photos. She has sense of humor on her as well. You can check her out here if interested.
Back to the performance. With my frizzy curls, bucked teeth, and what appears to be copious amounts of lip stick, I was obviously feeling no shame. In fact, these younger years seem to be the ones in which I was the boldest I’ve ever been. Today I won’t sing in front of anyone. Although I love to sing, if ever I am caught open mouthed, my lips immediately become negative and positive ended magnets. What happened between then and now? Well, I have a hunch about what halted my youthful audacity. You see, one year I courageously decided to try out for the school talent show performing a solo. My song of choice? My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion. I told you, I was quite an ambitious little runt. However, after shakily belting out my tune, I was informed that I would not be accepted as one of the acts in the show. Thanks a lot Celine. My heart will go on you say? Lies. My heart did not go on.
As I thought about those memories, I started to also ponder my current level of boldness. I could dance in front of 50,000 people and Shaq himself at LSU stadium (true story bro), but would become a whiny whimpering coward when asked to give a five minute presentation in front of fifteen people. Don’t get me wrong, I can get through a successful speech or presentation, but you can bet your ass I am going to be shaking like I’ve got the DT’s, and my heart will feel like it looks like a cartoon character’s. What is the big difference between the two scenarios that makes one a breeze and the other a plight? Simple… confidence. Having danced for over fifteen years without ever getting rejected from a show, naturally I can strut out on any stage and start busting out fouettes. With public speaking or singing, on the other hand, I lack that confidence.
So, whilst conjuring up all these ideas about impudence and attempting to make sense of why I am shy in one situation but not in the other, I did manage to tackle one conclusion. More than anything, I take pleasure in making people laugh. I shared this photo and the stories that are behind it in hopes to accomplish just that. I am able to do this, because I have a comfortable barrier from which to work behind. This allows an offset of any confidence issues. Lets face it, I am obviously never going to be comfortable being a stand up comedian, but from behind the safe guard of my computer screen, pen and paper, or whatever the medium, I can still achieve the same exact goals. This is why I enjoy writing so much. So, all eye-rolling aside, I am glad my friend dug up this photo. And, to Celine I apologize. I take back my angsty words from before. My heart will go on after all… along with the relentless ridicule of my ten year old portrait on my Facebook wall for days to come.
- Conquer Anxiety Over Public Speaking (everydayhealth.com)
- A Public Speaking App for Kids? (podiumproapp.wordpress.com)
Posted on April 4, 2012, in Inspirational, Opinion, Silly and tagged About Me, Ballet, blog, Celine Dion, Choir, Comedians, Courage, Culture, Dance, Facebook, life, Music, My Heart Will Go On, Performing, personal, photography, Public Speaking, Singing, Stage Fright, Titanic, Writing. Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.