Lizards and Toads and Beatles Oh My!
[Yes, I do this. More often than not. Soap and running water are overated.]
This post is not about the foul bachelor frog activities we all do but pretend we don’t. This post is actually about my dire, pathetic, irrational fear of frogs (before you laugh, this is a legitimate phobia). Only it’s not just frogs. Lizards and june bugs are in there too.
I used to live on the first floor of a pretty elaborate apartment complex. There were fields of grass and a fountain in the middle of each quad area. This meant that families of amphibious invaders set up shop right outside my door. It was froggy nirvana. Back then, I didn’t understand what grocery shopping was, so every time I needed a diet coke, I would have to journey to the center of the complex (by the pool… aka cesspool of toads). I lived in fear of becoming thirsty because of this. It seemed that the moment I stepped out of my door and started my trek to the coke machine, I was stepping in to a scene from the hunger games. So much running.
Fast forward to last night. I now live in a much smaller apartment complex with no pool and on the third floor. It is pretty anti reptile/amphibian/beetle. No, not anti-beetle. Those things are everywhere. Anyway, last night as I was carelessly meandering to my car for a night on the town, my foe presented itself. I never assume any dark, bark looking object is not a frog. One can never be too sure. Luckily, I maintained this mindset in my encounter last night as well.
There I was, stuck and frozen with nothing in between me and my wheels but a huge frog. Okay, it was more like a froglet but they are all the same in my book. I attempted to scare it into hopping out of my path, but to no avail. I mustered up all the oxygen in my lungs in attempts to blow it out of my course of direction and failed miserably. I would surely be stuck there all night long. Finally, I grew a pair and got close enough to actually create some intimidation. In a slow motion scene, as the creature’s legs began to stretch, I let out a shriek. Actually, it can’t even be classified as such. It was more of a foreign and cowardly grunt of trepidation.
You will be glad to know I came out alive, and no slimy green monsters were harmed in the making of my Friday night. I may, however, begin thinking about building myself a
fortress home surrounded by nothing but concrete. I think I will incorporate a moat of frog repellant while I am at it.
Speaking of dwellings, I am excited to announce that LAFamily.com will be running a guest post I wrote about buying versus renting when it comes to living arrangements in their Life After College section. The article goes live tomorrow. A special thanks to Carley over at Findingravity for recommending me to the editor.
- i explain frog sex for a living (rebeccainthewoods.wordpress.com)
- How not to eat the wrong frog (repeatingislands.com)
- Toadlets (homeschoolbyfrog.wordpress.com)
Posted on June 2, 2012, in Adventures, Home, Humor, Silly and tagged 25tofly, Amphibian, Becca Cord, beetles, fears, Frog, Funny, health, Home, humor, lafamily.com, life, lizards, phobias, ranidaphobia, Reptiles and Amphibians, Toad, WordPress, Writing. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.