Monthly Archives: June 2012
So when I began writing this blog, one of my goals was to try new things this year. I can’t change the fact that I do not yet have the resources to make the move I want, the way I want just yet. So how do I pass the time? I signed up today to embarrass myself at the Color Run this year in New Olreans November 17th. Never have I participated in any kind of run (unless you count running from frogs). Running is not exactly my favorite physical activity, so it will also be a bit of a challenge. Although the race itself is laid back, and you don’t have to run, I’d like to attempt completing the whole thing without having to drop the pace. It is 3.1 miles of “color madness” and the final product is a human canvas turned multicolored splattered masterpiece by volunteers, sponsors and staff. Luckily for me, you can join teams so you don’t have to awkwardly run alone. Who am I kidding, I run like a gazelle. The bonus? After you become the next Pollock look-alike, you can go unwind over on Bourbon street. Read the rest of this entry
[This is totally how I look handing over presents. I always keep a blue sky backdrop on my person to create a floating sensation and mystical aura. This way it doesn’t matter if your gift is so disappointing that it makes a pair of socks look like diamond earrings.]
Father’s Day is coming up (Sunday, June 17th). You are welcome for the reminder. My goal is to send a gift that actually arrives at my parent’s doorstep on time. Somehow I always seem to butcher timing, only to play it off by cursing the long gooey trail left by snail mail. It never fails. At least I can proudly say that the gifts themselves now always outshine the belated-ness. I am what you would call a recovered bad gift-giver.
I haven’t spoken of my friend Booger in a while, but my road to revival is really all thanks to her. It was Christmas of 2010 when I hit rock bottom. I was graduating college a week or so before the actual holiday, and my whole family was in town to celebrate a little bit of both occasions, including Booger. After the ceremony, we all went back to my apartment to exchange some presents. I don’t remember who went first in the swap-fest, but what happened next lead to a much needed self intervention.
Booger has always been the most creative and thoughtful present giver ever. Ever. So when I began scouring the gift bag she brought for me, I knew I would find nothing but pure gift gold. Everything she has ever given me has been something that I would never find on my own, something I don’t know I need but do, and if it has multiple gift layers, they all correspond and compliment each other better than popcorn and M&Ms. If you have never consumed this combination, I feel sorry for you. Moving on…
First, I drew from the bag a coffee mug that displayed “Crazy Cat Lady” across the side. Funny. Then, a classic black pencil skirt to start my new wardrobe as a working business woman. Practical . Next, a lunch bag and an umbrella. Clever and Cute. There were also a few other equally as enviable items. If there were judges around, they would have given an impressed standing ovation for such perfect delivery. Then, there was my gift to her. Read the rest of this entry
Well Y’all, as I am sipping a coffee the size of Texas, I present to you my guest post article on LAFamily.com. Click that picture. Don’t be a punk, just do it. I’d sure appreciate it, because it took me about thirty minutes to decipher the screen shot function on my lap top. I never knew there was a “fn” key. Dink! I am now depleted of all energy. Good
Oh, and you should probably rummage around the whole LA Family website if you survive reading about my close call with home ownership. There are some fantastic articles over there. Your mom would want you to. Just saying.
Coffee no work. Coma here I come.
[Yes, I do this. More often than not. Soap and running water are overated.]
This post is not about the foul bachelor frog activities we all do but pretend we don’t. This post is actually about my dire, pathetic, irrational fear of frogs (before you laugh, this is a legitimate phobia). Only it’s not just frogs. Lizards and june bugs are in there too.
I used to live on the first floor of a pretty elaborate apartment complex. There were fields of grass and a fountain in the middle of each quad area. This meant that families of amphibious invaders set up shop right outside my door. It was froggy nirvana. Back then, I didn’t understand what grocery shopping was, so every time I needed a diet coke, I would have to journey to the center of the complex (by the pool… aka cesspool of toads). I lived in fear of becoming thirsty because of this. It seemed that the moment I stepped out of my door and started my trek to the coke machine, I was stepping in to a scene from the hunger games. So much running. Read the rest of this entry
Since I have been boasting about Pandora lately, I’ll share with you some of my favorite stations.
1. Jack Johnson radio- The only station chill enough to listen to when you have to get up early. It’s effective at preventing morning rage. Also, I like to imagine this while I
drag ass get dressed (dinky video is dinky).
2. Spin Doctors radio- Because I hope to hear Two Princes over and over and over and pretend an attractive male is singing it to me. Preferably he is wearing either lumberjack stuff or anything in this post. Copious amounts of facial hair is also a requirement (Chris Barron knows what’s up). I then get to swoon for approximately four minutes and twenty seconds. Everyone should swoon. Read the rest of this entry