24 Years and 10 Apologies
As I approach my 24th birthday in two weeks, I feel there are some apologies that need expressing.
1. First and foremost, I am sorry for that one time when I was ten and “accidentally” dropped that bird egg just to see what would happen. I knew. Hello instant guilt and remorse. On the bright side, I then crossed murderer off my potential what-ill-grow-up-to-be list.
2. I am sorry and ashamed that I still haven’t learned to spell accidentally or pursue correctly on the first try. If it weren’t for those squiggly red lines sometimes I swear…
3. I apologize to my Iphone for treating you like Ren treats Stimpy. You stupid idiot.
4. I am particularly sorry for that time drunk-artist-me drew a mural in the ladies bathroom with my lipstick at insert-local-bar-name-here. Mostly, because I will never find a more perfect pout paint. And, a special apology to whomever had to clean it up, but you know I made up for it at the regulars’ Christmas party.
5. I am sorry that the last sentence of the previous apology had sexual undertones. I assure you the Christmas party was only PG-13 at most, and that I didn’t take anyone in to a coat room. We don’t even have coat rooms down here.
6. I am sorry that half pint regularly posts photos like this on my Facebook.
6. Third floor apartment. No elevator. Do I even have to say it?
8. I’m sorry that number 7 was actually a lie. I am not sorry in the least. In fact, I want to make an album and use this photo mash up as cover art. Only with better shop-ing of my head.
9. No, I do not want to give you my name, number, e-mail address, pin number, fingerprint, and donate a dollar to the prevent paper cuts foundation. Sorry. I just want to go home.
10. More sincerely, I am sorry that I wasn’t thinking of what all that tanning with afro-sheen was going to do to my skin past the age of 16.
Here is to 24: the age when nothing happens. Isn’t it magical?
Related articles
- Why Women Apologize So Much More Than Men (businessinsider.com)
- Lunchtime Quiz: The Ren & Stimpy Show (mentalfloss.com)
- 5 Tanning Myths You Can’t Afford to Believe (bellasugar.com)
Share this:
Posted on July 3, 2012, in Adventures, Humor, Inspirational, Silly and tagged 25tofly, apologies, Becca Cord, birthdays, blog, Blogging, Funny, humor, life, lists, ren and stimpy, sheen spray, tanning, top ten, WordPress. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.
Hilarious – as always!
Oh you!
Just remember: You can MAKE 24 a birthday when something happens 🙂
Good outlook! I will finally be in Boston, so I can’t wholeheartedly say nothing is happening :).
Boston! Fun!!
Don’t give up on the murderer career yet. Dreams can come true.
Thanks for the encouraging words! It is such a difficult business to break in to. I guess I should start networking. Do you know how I can get in touch with Jeffrey Dahmer?
I still think that it only looks distinguished when you are actually close to 40, not under 30.
Oops, this was supposed to be a reply lower down. Dangit
Haha maybe.
Welcome to the time when all birthdays mean is that you are just getting older and closer to gray hair. It’s a magical time!
At least you guys get to look distinguished with that salt and pepper. Us ladies get to look like the old maid.