WARNING: Extreme accents
After such a serious post, I’ll leave this here. Hurricane is coming and don’t know what to do?
1. Consume adult beverages
2. Steal kids toys
3. Embarrass self
LaLa, I hope this was at least mildly entertaining.
Thank you for giving us a reason to miss work, stay indoors, and get paid to drink like it’s the apocalypse.
The new blog is currently under construction. I should finish at some point that is undetermined … if I survive Isaac the hurricane. What I really mean is if I survive the hurricane parties. The torrential winds, spawned tornado, possible flooding and frightening sized hail don’t scare me. Pshhh.
I had fun participating in David’s blog. You should check it out and submit your own! Now, off I go to prank my way through the night. May the force be with me.
1. Go ahead and come to terms with the fact that after the initial month or so of getting used to your new schedule, you may never sleep past 8:00 again. Also, your hang-overs just automatically went from a 3 to a 10 on the I’m-never-drinking-again scale, so be prepared.
2. You can be twenty minutes early every day to work, and no one will notice, but the one day you are late will live in infamy.
3. The picture up there? That is a letter opener. The only one I saw before looked like a dagger out of a scene from The Princess Bride.
4. Do not, under any circumstances, disclose information regarding your personal life unless you are one hundred percent ok with the entire office knowing about it. Your “work wife/husband” will betray you and you won’t get half of his/her paycheck in the divorce. My advice is: be so vague that you are borderline vogue.
5. You are young, so if you have a significant other, you are facing two options. At some point, someone will inquire about your relationship status. If you claim single, people will either perpetually ask you how your weekend was with that insinuating eyebrow lift, or they will try to set you up with anyone with a pulse. This is usually accompanied by the same look one gives an orphan puppy. In the case that you do admit to a taken status, everyone will want to know your significant other’s entire pedigree. Cue advice you didn’t ask for.
6. No one is going to remind to take your vacation days. No one will nag you to join in on the company insurance plan. No one will automatically sign you up for that 401K plan promised to you. You have to keep up with making sure these things get put in to action.
7. The phrase “just kidding,” or “you know not to take it seriously,” or any such equivalent is simply a cop-out for people to feel like they aren’t really actually sexually harassing you.
8. You can’t just sit anywhere at the Christmas party brunch. If you are the newest member to ABC Inc., you sit last. Same goes with parking. On any day.
9. Never pay for coffee. My love affair with Starbucks is strong too, but for $4 a day, you mind as well be a pack a day smoker. Minus the whole cancer thing.
10. Be aware of the sneaky Bcc (blind carbon copy) in e-mails. If you are anything like me, you didn’t even know what the plain cc meant let alone one with sight issues. Bcc is a way of attaching multiple recipients to an e-mail without those recipients being able to see everyone attached. So, if Suzie isn’t getting her part of a project done, and I send her an e-mail addressing the problem with a Bcc to our supervisor, Suzie’s response could either doom or save her all while she has no idea boss woman is watching. Shady? Yes. Does anyone care? No.
davinox comments on Tips for young writers, anyone?. (Reddit link – r/bestof)
I just wanted to share this in place of a forced post today.
Also, I wanted to announce that I am working on a possible second blog that I hope will be of interest. Sometimes I feel a bit narcissistic only writing here about things like my picture-taking preferences or hashing out how to avoid my cats’ excrement in vehicle rides. So, I have decided to try to see an idea for a supplementary, more focused blog to fruition. I have no time frame for when the launch will be, but I am keeping this blog as well. Don’t go binge drinking in depression tonight. In fact, better let me hold on to your liquor for you, you know, just in case.
In the meantime you could check out the Better Blogger Network. The featured member looks a lot like me, and I feel scared that someone has cloned me. Plus, you should join if you are a blogger and add me (or clone me) as a friend. I have all of about five friends, and I think one of them is secretly my cat on a fabricated profile. You could also grab a button while you’re at it to flare out your page all Office-Space-Chotchkie’s style.
I am one of those people who tries to multitask everything. I’d rather be multitasking than single-tasking any day. It’s practically a condition. For example, I’ll start off answering a phone call while sitting on my couch, and within a few minutes my neck hurts and I’ve muted myself, because I am holding the phone with my shoulder while eating a sandwich and mopping my floors. This condition can get extremely stressful. The worst is if I do not complete all of the tasks I am juggling, I feel even more stressed. This results in me being even less productive, and eventually I just end up lying on the floor somewhere staring at a ceiling fan. Wait, wasn’t this post supposed to have something to do with New Orleans?
I am blaming my lack of writing lately on my sideshow-gone-bad. Between getting back in to the swing of work, planning a trip to New Orleans (there it is), and arranging a baby shower, writing has fallen off the task wagon. I knew I should have put a seat belt on that one, or at very least, a helmet.
Helping to plan a baby shower while simultaneously planning a four night stay on Bourbon St. has been… interesting. It was quite like juggling two pink scarfs and a handle of Jim Beam. Trying to establish a rhythm using objects of such completely different dimensions is tricky. I felt doomed to drop the
ball scarf somewhere along the line (do you really think I would let whiskey take the fall?). Ultimately, I managed to keep my act together long enough to avoid any flying tomatoes. Read the rest of this entry
My trip marked my second time ever flying in an airplane, my first time traveling out of the south as an adult, and my first big vacation that I have funded entirely on my own. Naturally, I anticipate taking photos of my time there.
I know what you are thinking. Does she not have an omnipotent smart phone or something? Of course I do. What am I a cave woman? In fact, some would say I qualify as a camera phone abuser as I even take pictures of pictures. This is where the problem exists, and upon admitting my denial of said abuse, I did reach an epiphany. Read the rest of this entry