10 Things You Should Know About Your First “Real” Job

letter opener

Not just some strange office supply guillotine

1. Go ahead and come to terms with the fact that after the initial month or so of getting used to your new schedule, you may never sleep past 8:00 again.  Also, your hang-overs just automatically went from a 3 to a 10 on the I’m-never-drinking-again scale, so be prepared.

2. You can be twenty minutes early every day to work, and no one will notice, but the one day you are late will live in infamy.

3. The picture up there? That is a letter opener. The only one I saw before looked like a dagger out of a scene from The Princess Bride.

princess bride dagger

4. Do not, under any circumstances, disclose information regarding your personal life unless you are one hundred percent ok with the entire office knowing about it. Your “work wife/husband” will betray you and  you won’t get half of his/her paycheck in the divorce. My advice is: be so vague that you are borderline vogue.

5. You are young, so if you have a significant other, you are facing two options. At some point, someone will inquire about your relationship status. If you claim single, people will either perpetually ask you how your weekend was with that insinuating eyebrow lift, or they will try to set you up with anyone with a pulse. This is usually accompanied by the same look one gives an orphan puppy. In the case that you do admit to a taken status, everyone will want to know your significant other’s entire pedigree. Cue advice you didn’t ask for.

6. No one is going to remind to take your vacation days. No one will nag you to join in on the company insurance plan. No one will automatically sign you up for that 401K plan promised to you. You have to keep up with making sure these things get put in to action.

7. The phrase “just kidding,” or “you know not to take it seriously,” or any such equivalent is simply a cop-out for people to feel like they aren’t really actually sexually harassing you.

8. You can’t just sit anywhere at the Christmas party brunch. If you are the newest member to ABC Inc., you sit last. Same goes with parking. On any day.

9. Never pay for coffee. My love affair with Starbucks is strong too, but for $4 a day, you mind as well be a pack a day smoker. Minus the whole cancer thing.

10. Be aware of the sneaky Bcc (blind carbon copy) in e-mails. If you are anything like me, you didn’t even know what the plain cc meant let alone one with sight issues. Bcc is a way of attaching multiple recipients to an e-mail without those recipients being able to see everyone attached. So, if Suzie isn’t getting her part of a project done, and I send her an e-mail addressing the problem with a Bcc to our supervisor, Suzie’s response could either doom or save her all while she has no idea boss woman is watching. Shady? Yes. Does anyone care? No.

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About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on August 22, 2012, in Adventures, Business, work and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 25 Comments.

  1. Hanging out at Susie’s Blogging Party and thought I would stop by your sight. Pretty funny advice. Yeah you can never park any where or sit anywhere when you’re the new kid on the block. Everything is designated. Reminded me of the movie Swimming With Sharks with Kevin Spacey. Pretty funny stuff.

    • I have not seen that one. I will have to check it out. I like Kevin Spacey. I used to think he and John Cusack were interchangeable, but that’s beside the point. Thank you for the compliment. I aim to please.

  2. You would think that college’s would have a mandatory, must have before we allow you to carry OUR name away from here, course. One that covers all of these tidbits, as well as teaching you how to create a resume, how to be a good interview, how to sell yourself and all of the other things that a new grad ought to know. Some kind of course that would tell me how all of that experience I got working on the school paper can be reworded to count as actual experience….. Heavy sigh…. I suppose I would settle for more people reading this post and learning to not be a total doof at work… 🙂

  3. This is great advice! I never thought of the BCC thing. Wow. i wonder if I have been had. It’s a good thing I stay away from drama and putting stuff “out there” on the computer.
    Thanks for coming today! I hope you have fun mingling with the guests by clicking on a few of their links!

    • Absolutely! I think I followed five new blogs today from your page! Glad you enjoyed my post. The Bcc thing goes to show you that it is better to be safe than sorry when it comes to how you word yourself at work… or anywhere for that matter.

  4. I stopped over from Susie’s blog party and must say this is a great post… it’s info anyone could use going into a new job be it their first or whatever number they are on!

  5. Two words… Freshly Pressed!
    Great work, young lady.

  6. Oh man, serious lolz and agreement to the hangover advice. I had a hangover at work once. 2 years ago. Never. Again. NEVER. AGAIN! Eee gads!

  7. I also must add…coworkers for the most part don’t give a crap about how you’re doing first thing in the morning. So, if you give anything more than the “fine” to their “how are you?” you will either get resentment for being awesome or an uncomfortable laugh for sucking.

  8. Now you’ve just scared me…maybe I’ll just stick to waitressing.

    • I dream about going back to the simple days of waiting tables, even as much as I hated it some times. Stay. Stay for as long as you can… for the rest of our tortured souls. I only kid, I don’t mean to scare you, I think there are certain ups and downs to ANY job. You have to play by the rules but you get to play even harder because: money.

  9. You left out the most important piece of advice – win the lottery before you take that job.
    Wish I had…

  10. You know, I really wish this was available to me before I started my job…

  11. Great advice, Becca! Trust no-one, say nothing, and work well. I don’t think I’ve actually had a ‘real’ job to put these points into practice; either that or I’ve been there too long to start doing them now. Love the bcc tip though. Hehehe!

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