First World Work Problems
Parts of this post are hypothetical. Maybe.
I read a post today by Lament’s and Lullalbies that I thought was brilliantly human, which is odd, because I know internet people aren’t people at all, they are aliens. Cool aliens, but aliens nonetheless. Don’t worry, I am not phoning the MIB… yet.
Her post addresses the human condition of struggling between making ends meet and making your dreams come true. She writes in a way that is synonymous with the mosh pit of a thought process that I assume begins in most people’s minds when thinking about these issues. Everyone has an ideal career, or two, or three, or is at least on the search to finding one. Everyone also faces the ongoing obligation to provide for themselves at the same time. It is all a huge balancing act and we don’t have the proper equilibrium. In my case, I am just drunk.
We have to work. Most of us have to work jobs we are less than enthused about because: money. All too often people become barricaded in these jobs for years and years of monotony and turmoil. Why? Scum bag employer syndrome.
This scenario includes two pawns: the dreamer (also known as you) and the force you think you can duel but ultimately are powerless against… the scum bag employer. Here is how it goes:
You: I need to quit my job and pursue my dream of becoming a renowned [insert your dream here] if I ever want it to really happen. That’s right, no more wasting time. I make good money, but it’s not enough worth enduring the bored/grumpy/blase feeling at the end of every work day. I’d rather take a pay cut in exchange for fulfillment. I am going to do this.
Scum Bag Employer: Oh yea? Really now? You are finally going to make the plunge? How about I go ahead and give you a hefty raise at the precise moment that you get the balls to leave me. Oh yea, and that 401K to which you just began to contribute? You won’t get to keep even half of it if you bail on me in less than a year. You are getting your own office too. With a real live plant. Looks like you will be bringing the fruit cake to this year’s Christmas bash after all. See you Monday!
You: Well fuck.
- How solitude stimulates creativity, reveals the truth of the self, world, and, eventually, the fundamental nature of reality (aaronasphar.com)
- Aliens and the Women Who Love Them (Feature) (popmatters.com)
- Workers “Forced” to Quit Get Unemployment Benefits (blogs.lawyers.com)
Posted on September 20, 2012, in Business, Humor, Inspirational and tagged 401k, blog, Blogging, business, dreams, Employment, first world work problems, Funny, how does 401k work, how to go for my dream job, human condition, humor, job incentive programs, job perks, Meme, passion, quitting a job, scum bag employer, work, Writing. Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.