New Reads and Pumpkin Seeds

Oh, so you thought my obsession with men’s long johns was a lie? You were sadly mistaken.

If you don’t already know about Robert Hookey’s new book The Bellman Chronicles, you fail at internet, reading, and life. Just kidding… or am I?

I have been following his blog, You’ve Been Hooked, for quite some time now. The Hook handles his profession very seriously but knows when to poke fun at all that comes along with it. His hilarious takes on the wide variety of characters and situations he encounters on the clock as a Bellman are always a pleasure to read (to put it simply). So,  when I read that he published a book, I knew I had to check it out.

If you want me to get all mushy about it, I’ll say that I look up to him as a writer and think he is generally an outstanding human being and shit. He also is one of my top commenters/cheerleaders. It took me a while to get to it on my to-do list, but I finally ordered a copy which came to my doorstep last night. I’m considering it a Chrsitmas-in-October present to myself. You should do the same.

I’d also like to give a present to you while I am at it. My gift comes in the form of a recipe, but you will have to read my little story first. Get excited.

Last week I wrote a reenactment of sorts about my family’s holiday dinner traditions. It painted a heavily sarcastic view of my family there, so I’d like to share a differnt family holiday tradition with you that wavers more on the side of endearing. But, you aren’t allowed to feel all sentimental, okay? This is a humor blog.

I always remember my mom adoring the fall. She is the decorating type and our home always looked like a picture out of Southern Living and smelled of cinnamon spice candles come October. My mom wasn’t a huge cook or anything, but for some reason I also always remember her in the kitchen. She liked to bake cookies particularly. And fried chicken. I feel like I was always at her side like a panting puppy waiting for scraps of home-made cookie dough to fall or for the chance to lick a spoon or two.

There was one particularly unique treat she made for the family every year in October. Baked pumpkin seeds. If you possess the right taste buds – ones that get off on all things salty, crunchy, spicy – these will have you tearing up your mouth in no time. I suppose my infatuation with baking the tear drop shaped snacks each year credits itself to the nostalgia surrounding them. Plus, you can’t buy pumpkins year-round. It is akin to my excitement over a seasonal beer or crawfish in the spring. I hope you give them a go.

Official and Tedious pumpkin Seed Baking Process: 

Disclaimer: You will not grow a pumpkin in your stomach upon consumption. If you produce a bulging belly post consumption, you are pregnant. Or fat. Congratulations.

1. Purchase pumpkin(s) – I usually need a wheelbarrow for this step.

2. Remove pumpkin tops with knife – this step should not be completed while drinking alcohol.

3. Play with gooey orange pumpkin flesh until satisfied – throwing pumpkin flesh on unsuspecting family members is optional.

4. Remove seeds and rinse.

5. Spread seeds on foil in a baking pan and spray with spray butter – note that this is the only thing that spray butter should be used for ever.

6. Sprinkle seeds with Tony Chachere’s – for you Yankees that means seasoned salt.

7. Bake at 350 for twenty minutes, take out and shake around, then bake for twenty more minutes.

8. Bask in the glory of your creation by eating all of the seeds in one sitting.

Despite what may look like a bulge in my long johns, I swear it’s me and not Joe. See!

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