Beauty and The Becca
See what I did there? Did you see? Did you?
Let me preface this by saying I was inspired to write this post after reading Melanie Crutchfield’s How to Be Beautiful. If girls pooped I probably would have shat myself laughing when I read it. I’d award her with free underwear if that wasn’t a weird thing to do. If
I hadn’t given up Photoshop so quickly because I sucked at it my free Photoshop trial hadn’t expired, I too would use it to make my own funny image additions here on my blog.
My mother is and always was into fashion, beauty products, make-up, and stuff of similar categories. This is why I do not understand how I was so beauticiously challenged growing up. I don’t remember her ever teaching me how to do things like put on my make-up, shave my legs, or pluck my eyebrows. I don’t think this is because she didn’t want to or try to, I was just too stubborn to wait for her to decide that I was old enough. I can’t blame her. I know she just wanted to see me as young and innocent forever, but come on, I was walking around with so much blonde hair on my middle school gams that it looked like Cousin It was humping my leg.
Because of my impatience, and therefore, lack of instruction and proper guidance, I had one too many beauty fails as an awkward 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, and 16-year-old girl.
For starters, I was initially too afraid to shave using an actual razor, so I resorted to Nair. If you like to bathe in acid you should try it. Nair should be illegal.
Once I conquered my fear of the razor, I became adversely razor-happy and went on a razor binge. It started out innocently enough. You see, my hair is naturally curly (had you fooled didn’t I?). This means I had what I call whispies (also known as fly-aways) framing my face. I had a ton of them, and I wanted them gone. So, what did I do? I shaved my fucking hair-line. When that worked out dreadfully, of course I didn’t hesitate to moved on to my eyebrows. I am still trying to grow them back to their full volume to this day.
On another occasion, while attempting to give myself a “spa” treatment in the shower, I shampooed my hair for so long that it took my mom and two others an hour to brush out the matted mess that had become amassed on my head. I was the skipping CD of showering. I just kept lathering and lathering and lathering and lathering and lathering and lathering.
Among other beauty fails, there was the time I snuck to a friend’s house and dyed one lone strip of my hair completely black. I was blonde at the time. My mother finally chimed in on that one. Hello?! Obviously that was a cry for cosmetic help.
Please don’t let disasters like this happen to you or your children. Take action to inform yourselves. Read Melanie’s post, Google how-do-I-stop-lathering, hire Rue Paul. Do something. And, if you take nothing else away from this post, just remember: never take a razor to the face.
- Cosmopolitan’s beauty awards honor best in makeup, skincare (thelook.today.com)
- What We’re Sweet On: A Razor Worth Putting on Display (bellasugar.com)
- Would You Ever Use a Shaving Brush? (bellasugar.com)
Posted on October 24, 2012, in How I Knew, Humor and tagged 25tofly, Beauty, beauty fail, beauty lessons, beauty tips, Becca Cord, blog, Blogging, childhood, Cosmetics, do's and don'ts of beauty, eyebrow care, eyebrows, fail, family, Funny, Hair removal, health, how to be pretty, humor, I suck at shaving, life, life lessons, matted hair, Melanie Crutchfield, Nair, Razor, rue paul, shampoo, Shaving, shaving needs, shaving your face, shopping, wolf boy, WordPress. Bookmark the permalink. 70 Comments.