What’s Hard, White, and Makes Me Look Rediculous?
A few weeks ago I moved into a new office. It is shiny, and I got to buy an office chair. I felt like such a pimp. An office supply pimp.
My main hoe. She glistens.
With new offices comes new responsibilities. It also comes with a little bit of celebratory seven layer dip that I may have eaten half of before bringing to the office. While we have enough dip to last us until next Cinco de Mayo, what we don’t have is a copy machine. I need to make copies. I am a big deal. Plus, copies are important, vital to business, and something about the bottom line.
In order to make copies I have to venture across a street to my company’s original building. I could probably walk. I certainly could drive my car. But, that’s not how we new-office-dwellers roll. This is how we roll:
Did you know that golf cart is not actually spelled golf kart? I didn’t.
All of this is wonderful news, right? Yes, but let me get to the point. In order to crash drive into the main building with this pimpmobile, you have to drive through an area that requires that safety glasses and a hard hat be worn.
If you have read Why I Am Here, you are getting an A+. I am not sure on what, but it’s an honor, okay? If you read it, you would also know that I don’t own a hard hat. “Sadly”. Today, that has changed. Today, I must edit every bio I have ever released into the wild of the internet (because they are all the same). Today, I am legit.
It’s true, it is.
I finally have my very own hard hat. It sits way too high off the top of my head. It is boring and white. The glasses get caught in my hair, and the sticker was removed (something about sexual harassment) leaving a huge sticky spot. But, it is mine. All damn mine.
Not like I really needed a hard hat with such an intimidating face.
Oh, and I am not really going to edit my about page, however, because irony is in. So there.
Related articles
- Decluttering Your Office? Where to Donate Excess Office Supplies (1-2-3getorganized.blogspot.com)
- What Happens If You Try To Hold A Board Meeting In The Office Chair Department Of Staples? (consumerist.com)
- Well how did you think I survived in this job for so long? (troglopundit.wordpress.com)
Share this:
Posted on October 26, 2012, in Humor, Silly, work and tagged 25tofly, Becca Cord, Cinco De Mayo, driving golf carts, golf carts, hard hats, HSE work, i like office supplies, Industrial Goods and Services, Industrial Supply, long johns, new office, office chairs, Office supplies, safety, safety gear, safety glasses, safety position, safety rules, work, work in safety. Bookmark the permalink. 86 Comments.
If I had a nickel for every time a women told me she was hard for me I could afford a lawyer to handle the tranny suing me (its a long story )
I think I need to hear this story. Ill even give you a QUARTER! Ballin’!
Wow… if my office let me drive a golf cart around (or even one of those tiny little battery-operated plastic vehicles they let little kids drive), I’m not sure I’d want to leave. And damn you for mentioned 7-layer dip. Must go. Need to scour refrigerator for ingredients….
Seven layer dip is dangerous. Proceed with caution. You may end up in Mexico drunk off tequila.
Becca, do not give into the system. Fight the system! Free your fly! HF
They are sucking me in with all the perks! Thanks for the reminder!
One day I hope to have that status symbol of having truly made it: the golf cart. Heck, I’d be happy with a broken skateboard.
If I had a skateboard it would SURELY be broken. I get nervous driving the cart…
I love the sticker. I woulda kept the sticker
I should bring it back and claim to not understand what it insinuates.
Becca,
I read your “I’m Hard For You” and I laughed so hard. That woman I lived with looked at me funny… But I owned it. Like you owned this post.
Le Clown
I thought you might like that. Yay sex jokes!
Nice lid, Becca!
And chair… And wheels…
The first hotel I worked at was located on a huge property with multiple buildings so we had to use golf carts too; they rule, don’t they?
They can really book it! I find excuses to go next door :).
You are really moving on up! 🙂
It’s an exciting time Mike.
That’s it. I am looking for a job that lets me wear a hard hat everyday. Any jobs that do not will immediately be declined.
Can’t believe you don’t have that sticker anymore
I know! My hard hat needs some new flare. Ideas?
Sounds like you need to grab the golf kart and take HR out for a night on the town and some fresh dip to lighten them up a bit.
The sticker should have stayed.
HR would all wake up hung over in bed together and blame me. I couldn’t agree more Guap.
Hard hats and golf karts? I want your job.
Okay, you talked me into it. You can have it. 😉
Damn, with your hard hat and wheels… I’m crushing girl, I’m crushing hard. You single?
Yes, and you had me at 50 chicken McNuggets. Swoooon.
OH Yeah, this digital romance has officially commenced.
Rich was here first though. He is my main squeeze. If you’re okay with that it shall be a beautiful relationship.
Que the charlie brown music… SOO SAD….
Aw come on 😉
quick question, Are you in to butt stuff? Also, if you aren’t Its ok. I always have ukrainian mail order brides.
I will back hand you so hard.
HAHAHAHA 🙂
Oh hell yes. I was a wee bit disappointed to find I would not need a hard hat at my last gig even on job sites. I had an entire outfit planned around it. Heh.
A whole outfit?! Badass! I feel like I could go direct traffic in that thing.
You need a clipboard. Nothing says “Back off, take me seriously!’ like a clipboard.
I don’t own a hardhat. You’ve passed me in the cool meter.
Damn.
Not possible! You are the coolest person Jillian. You are so well traveled and brave and just plain… COOL.
Bah! *blush* You flatterer you! Made me feel better 😉 But YOU’RE the coolest! =D
We will just share the crown of coolest. How about that :).
Well all right then! Warning though: these crowns are massive – like the ones in Toddlers in Tiaras. But you know, actually fit our heads.
And we’re not crazy like the people on that show.
And I’ve only seen that show once.
Or twice…
As long as I don’t catch you on honey boo boo.
Digging the hat and specs. I had to wear those once, then I moved back to where cowboy boots and chaps help more.
I wish I knew how to show you the picture of my camo cowboy hat in the comments.
Me Too
Oh, miss Becca, that hat looks absolutely fabulous on you! I bet it’s so comfortable to wear, too. I’d say you’re in charge.
If we were in person, I’d tip my hat towards you after you said that.
i will never be “tough” enough to have a job at which i need a hard hat.
Want one?
yes, because i need the thrill and a reason to pretend to be tough.
Let’s switch for a day. Kind of like Freaky Friday but without the switching bodies thing. That might be strange.
i typed and erased four replies to this. i’m afraid you’ll lose the respect you never had for me.
I already know Rich, I already know.
one deleted line was “you’ll get your back in about a week.” another was “don’t wait up.”
Now who is too slick?
i had four replies to this….
Oh boy.
that time, i was just trying to be funny.
You’ve inspired me to wear a hard hat to work. It may not be the quintessential writer/editor garb but now that I think of it, the fanny pack and cowboy boots I show up to work in probably aren’t either…
I SO need a fanny pack next.
my brother-in-law has won the mr. new jersey body-building title several times. so has my sister, his wife. he once entered a room in which i sat with my friends, and one said, “i didn’t know the walls can move in your house.” he’s the most muscular person i have ever been in the presence. of. as uncool as a fanny pak might look, i will never tell him not to wear one.
I don’t blame you Rich.
have you seen daniel craig as james bond? he looks a like like him. but at any given moment, when you’re not sure where he is, chances are he’s shopping for towels at bed, bath, and beyond. on his harley with a cigar in his jaw.
I’d love to see that actually. I bet the glass wear section gets nervous when he walks by.
the towels have to refold themselves after he’s gone. don’t ask.
I must live in New Jersey now.
I’m jealous! Love that.
I own a hard hat and some super cool eyewear, but I NEVER get to wear them at work. Sadsies!
Create a reason to wear it ;). That could be fun.
You’re RIGHT. So many possibilities…
When you figure it out, I expect a story.
You got it.
Oh my god, baaaaaaad aasssssssssss.
Want to come throw things at my head?
when’s the next flight to looosiana?
Rich, bring fresh produce.
i’m a big fan of tomatoes. you know, at one time people thought tomatoes were poisonous. they were called “the devil’s fruit,” likely because of their color. a politician was caught doing something stupid (yeah, surprise) and tried to commit suicide by standing on the courthouse steps and eating tomatoes. after about ten, everyone realized, “oh, guess they’re not poisonous.” i was told this story by a prominent NJ lawyer, and he said it happened in NJ. another reason to think jerseyans are stupid. like we needed more.
Good thing, because I like tomatoes. Love ’em actually.
rich in antioxidants. fight cancer. fabulous for vitamin c. my kid hates ’em. ugh.
Wait, tomatoes are good for you? On second thought I don’t like them after all ;).
too slick
Actually, Becca, I hope you don’t mind me saying, but you look like you are undercover in those dark glasses and hard hat.
I could be a spy, but they would probably find me out because I’d be blogging about it.
And you also look as though you’re undercover (not saying you stand out or anything)…
You look very official in your hard hat.
Damn, I was hoping for authoritative.
What would happened if I throw a baseball at your hard hat?
We could play baseball with my head.
Oh, fun!