Mr. OB and The Champagne Bath

I tweeted yesterday that I was going to have an interactive post today. I had a really dope idea, but then WordPress slapped me in the face and said, “You can’t do that, lol sry”.

Instead, and to make up for the intended dopeness, I will give you another sexy story straight from Mr. OB  himself. This one doesn’t include cat S&M, but there will be ducks. This is probably the first story he ever told me that crossed the line of what is considered to be a normal conversation between two bar guests of a forty-year age difference. Or, more accurately, the moment when too much information lost all meaning and an atypical friendship was born:

Less normalcy, more figurines!

Sitting in our usual positions at the restaurant bar.

Mr OB: “Where are you going tonight?”

Me: “No where. Home.”

Mr. OB: “Yeah, sure. You’ll be at [secret bar name] smoking all those cigarettes.”

Me: “No really. I am going home to relax, may even take a bath.”

Mr. OB: “You got any champagne?”

Me: “Uh… you’re not invited.”

Mr. OB: “It’s not for me. It’s for the champagne bath.”

Me: “What the fuck is a champagne bath OB?”

Mr. OB: “Oh, it’s great. It’s good for your skin. I used to give Angel champagne baths.”

Waiter J: (passing by) “OB, stop talking about champagne baths. Becca doesn’t know about that.”

Mr. OB: (unphased) “Listen, you need to get the real kind of champagne though. None of that cheap shit. Run your bath and poor the bottle in. It’s tingly.”

Me: “Wait wait wait. I want to know about this woman you were “giving” champagne baths to. How does that work?”

Mr. OB: “I would set the tub up for her, light some candles, and line the bathtub all the way around with rubber ducks. Then I’d—

Me: “Wait, rubber ducks?”

Mr. OB: “Yeah, it was like her thing.”

Me: “Right. Sounds like normal and adultlike bathtime to me. Please do proceed.”

Mr. OB: “She loved it. I’d sit on the toilet next to the tub.”

Me: “… doing what exactly. I mean, you weren’t in it with her?”

Mr. OB: “Hell no! The champagne bath was for her not me. I would just sit in there and talk to her.”

Me: “Champagne bath sounds too sexual for rubber ducks and toilet perching.”

Mr. OB: “Well, I haven’t told you what happens after I get her out.” (excessive, devious laughter)

Me: (to the bartender) “You can close me out now.”

I am not making these conversations up.

facebook conversation


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About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on November 2, 2012, in Humor, Silly and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 90 Comments.

  1. I had a big “tall cans in the bathtub” phase. It’s where I did my best etch a sketching. But this is so much classier.

  2. As sexual peccadilloes go, rubber ducks and champaign are some of the most charming and classy respectively. I need more rubber ducks in my life, methinks.

  3. It seems like Champagne isn’t that incredibly expensive to not try this idea out. Do it for the readers. Where’s your sense of adventure?

    • You are right. I like that attitude. I’ll experiment and report back.

      Oh shit, I don’t have a bath tub. This is going to be interesting.

      • Picture your man opening a bottle of champagne and having it chilled by the shower, then looking deep in your eyes and streaming it through your hair, the coolness bubbling through your hair as it moves down to join the steamy hot water from the shower across your back as simultaneously he sets the bottle down with one hand and slides his other strong hand deftly up from the small of your back pulling you in close while…

        Chick porn? I could see it working in the right environment and the right approach.

        OB might be on to something!

  4. i sort of took a champagne bath once. i was kayaking around an island near south america called domenica. it’s supposed to be the first island columbus landed on, and it’s where the first “pirates of the caribbean” movie was filmed. no, second. anyway, the kayaking guide takes us out to an area called “champagne.” we get out of the kayaks and snorkel down, and all these bubbles are coming out of the rocks. it was really cool to feel that, like being in a fish tank with one of those bubble things. and the sea turtles loved it too. they’d swim through even while a bunch of gawky humans were there.

  5. Personally, I’d rather drink the champagne! But then that’s just my not-so-inner lush talking.

  6. I think I need to find me an OB friend. He sounds awesome

  7. Oh dear God you were right!? No kidding huh. I also like it that you provided proof. How do you know this guy again? He kinda sounds quirky/eccentrically awesome to me.

    • I used to work at the Outback (which is where these conversations take place). I haven’t worked there in about three years, but I still go at least once a week and catch up with friends and see Mr. OB. He was a regular bar guest when I worked there. He is so young at heart that he befriended us all. Plus he talks about this kind of shit, so it’s obviously he is cool in my book.

      • Very cool guy. OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE! YEAH! 🙂 Having been to australia the outback steakhouse seems a tad fake. 🙂 With a character like him I can imagine you going back.

  8. Now I’m second guessing why Ernie always had rubber duckies in his tub on Sesame Street.

  9. Too funny..I’m dying at all the comments too LOL! Just started stalking you on FB 🙂

  10. Oh wow. Um. I might, maybe have read that as, “surrounded the tub with rubber dicks.” And was therefore really confused about everyone talking about ducks.

    Um, ducks are a lot less awkward to line the tub with. I’m really glad it was ducks. That story is WAY less weird now.

    Also, are you bar friend and facebook friends?

    • Jillian, I just laughed SO hard. A bathtub surrounded by a bunch of dildos would be outrageously weird! Oh man, let me catch my breath…

      Yes ma’am we are both bar and Facebook friends. It’s an unexplainable friendship.

  11. You keep me smiling 🙂 I’m glad I’m 52 🙂

  12. Deliberately Delicious

    If I had a bar friend like OB, I’d be drinking a lot – and then blogging the conversations immediately afterwards. So funny!

  13. What. The. Fuck. Hahahaha you made me evening with this!

  14. lol

    what would the equivalent be for dudes a beer bath and clean tube socks all around the edge of the tub ?

  15. Sounds delicious! Set me up, please. I don’t mind a few ducks.

  16. Yes! Rubber ducks and champagne, bathtime doesn’t get any better!

  17. You have the most amazing friends. None of my friends have ever instructed me on styles of bathing. Losers.

  18. You got shut down by “The Man”?
    That sucks, Becca! I know the feeling – believe me!
    At least you delivered a kick-ass post. I’ve had two days off and now that I’m back, the hotel is DEAD! I’m screwed for blogging material, believe me…

  19. Sadly, that isn’t even close to some of the weird bar conversations I’ve had.
    But I would love to hang out in that bar!

  1. Pingback: More From Mr. OB | 25ToFly

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