The Music of Mustache Make-Outs
Ever since Daan van den Bergh pooped out a glittery faberge egg for me on Twitter, then promoted me to the position of his official sound editor for his blog, I have been skipping like a leprechaun everywhere I go. I am mostly just impressed with him and his wife’s clay molding skills. Oh, and somehow he also talked me into being a make-out whore. I’ll let him explain…
Obviously it is the month for Movember. To those of you, who don’t know what that is, I am assuming that you are a newcomer and/or are living under a rock. Read this post. Enlighten yourself.
Now, I want to tell you a story. I’m going to ask you to close your eyes while I tell the story. No, wait. I’m not actually talking. Just read it.
This is a story about an upper-lip enjoying a regular shave, a daily smooth-cut with sometimes a day or two in between. Eleven months pass by as suddenly November races up. The world gets darker each day as a carpet of thick, pointy hair consumes the upper-lip. Can you see it? It’s entangled in wire, caught unwillingly, all alone in the darkness. Can you? I want you to picture that upper-lip.
Now imagine that upper-lip is you.
So, I asked myself: what can I do to make these upper lips feel less lonely? What do you do when a guy feels bad? According to pop psychology, you either take him to a strip club or get him a hooker. I can’t help all of them and although prostitution is legal in my awesome country, it isn’t in the rest of the world. So I needed to come up with an alternative.
That’s why I got the Sound Editor of I Fkkn Rokk Studios (which happens to be the owner of this blog – happy coincidence!) to make-out with the 10 most ridiculous mustaches and share with us what it sounded like!
You’re welcome. Back to you, Becca.
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Let’s get this over with to tongue wrestling (all photo credits go to the Ranker.com link above).
Instead of running my fingers through this classy gent’s hair as we played tonsil hockey, I opted to stretch out his curly mustached locks and release them to snap back into their naturally spiraled shape. Kind of like a pug’s tail.
Here we have a clever mustache wearer. He let me use his handle bars as a tool to let him know when I needed a breather. I hung my purse on one side too, you know, so I could use my hands to grope all that complimenting chest hair.
To hell with making out with this guy, I am using his mustache as a new track for my toy race cars. Who wants to go? Any takers? It worked out well until the wheels kept getting tangled in his bridge mane. The experience also gave a whole new meaning to the term “mustache ride”.
I should have known that making out with this dude was a rash waiting to happen. The things I do for my fellow bloggers. So scarring… in more ways than one.
Okay, that’s it. This is where I draw the line Daan. Now I am making out with the back of guys’ heads? All you are getting out of me on this one is a sprint in the opposite direction. Your skull can stare into my soul all it wants buddy, but I am not eating your creepy mulletstache.
The rest of your outrageously decorated upper lips are just going to have to deal with the prison you are in until the end of November. Luckily for you, there isn’t much time left. Come December first you will have served your time in the ‘stachetentiary, and I will no longer be subjected to these daunting tasks. Now, excuse me while I go apply ointment to my chaffed face and swear off kissing for ever.
Before you go, be sure to go read the Final Movember Recap on Le Clown’s page. Someone you know may have written it. My Jackstache is also revealed there – the winning mustache from my poll last week.
Related articles
- 21 Mustaches In Sports You Should Emulate This Movember (buzzfeed.com)
- A Movember to Remember (digitaloperative.com)
- See Mr. Clean, The Michelin Man And Other Brand Icons’ Awkward Movember Mustaches (ibtimes.com)
Posted on November 21, 2012, in Experiments, Humor, Silly and tagged 10 ridiculous mustaches, 25tofly, Becca Cord, blog, bloggers for movember, cancer awareness, dan van den bergh, guest blogging, guest post, how to spell out sounds, kissing with facial hair, kissing with mustaches, ksising, make-out whore, making out, Men's health, Moustache, Movember, mustache rides, prostate cancer, sound effects, twitter, Upper lip, WordPress. Bookmark the permalink. 44 Comments.
Hey I love your blog 🙂 Please say hi to the orphan kitten you save now that I’m following 🙂
I just told him you said hi and he puked up a hairball. I am not sure what that means exactly, but it has to be good.
Thanks so much for following. Glad you enjoy my blog!
Damn, it sure is nice having my Lego-infested face on your frontpage for three days in a row! 😛
Lego infested! Lol. You can give thanks to Thankagiving for that ;).
Thank you, Thanksgiving…
Good boy.
I won’t sleep for a year. Those mustaches are scary as fuck.
You’re welcome, Jen.
I’ve been seeing a therapist ever since.
I want a moustach like number three. It seems like a very handy place to hang my glasses at night.
Well, for that to happen you should buy hormone-pills. In 2012 anything is possible, my friend!
Daan, one thing I am not short on is hormones, pills, injections, you name it, I got it. No ‘tach, but other side effects are so much fun.
Well, try and sit down with your hormones and tell them that you prefer the growth of a mustache instead of all the other side-effects.
Ive heard that when girls kiss a guy who has a moustache it tickles… Has this been proven with you Becca?
I think that with these guys you have to more worried about stab-wounds or getting strangled than tickles. But of course, I will leave the final decision to Becca.
I’d like to see that one guy’s second face. Tell me, if you made out with him, would he count as two make outs?
I’d say it would count for like ten !
Funny! You two make quite the team!
Thank you! It was our mutual love for textual sound effects that brought us to this brilliant collaboration. Of course the fact that I grew up near Amsterdam helped me in pimpin’ Becca into a make-out whore (her words, not mine!)
Besides, anything for Movember, right?
Anything for the cause!
Hilarious pics and more blogging greatness from a true cutie pie.. What more could I possibly ask for?
Thanks, I couldn’t have thought of it without Daan the man!
Betta recognize!
Becca, Daan,
We did share this post on our Bloggers for Movember Facebook page, right?
Le Clown
I’m on it.
Le Clown,
She’s on it.
Daan
I want a beard and I want it to look like the first guy.
Only you!
Don’t tell me you don’t secretly LOVE the handle bars
Shh, he is still in my house. Does that answer your question?
Is Curly there too? Give him my number!
Okay, but you will have to get in line behind La La.
Those mustaches are so ridiculous. I wonder if anything has perched on the 2nd or 3rd?
I’d be surprised if there weren’t things LIVING in all of them.
They’re probably so itchy. I wonder how they sleep. I have a lot of questions here.
I have all of their numbers (except the last guy) if you want.
Not sure if my current relationship is going to work out so please email them to me.
Anything for you. We don’t feel weird about sloppy seconds around here do we? No.
Complimentary chest hair?! So jealous.
It was something I will never forget Andrew.
You’ve outdone yourself on this one, Becca. The man that manipulated you into making out with all these mustaches is a true genius.
Oh, wait. That’s me!
Let’s go pat ourselves on the back over there in that corner. I promise not to make out with you.
I have a better idea: why we don’t pat ourselves on the back in that motel-room over there. I promise not to stroke your mustache.
Deal.