This is My Festivus Post

The last time that I participated in any kind of gift exchanging game for Christmas was on a first date. Can you imagine that? You don’t have to. I will tell you how it goes. If you are me, that is.

awkward christmas

Holidays aren’t holidays until things get uncomfortable.

My date picked me up for dinner somewhere back in December of 2008. We were supposed to go to a simple dinner. Me and him. On the way to the restaurant, he receives a phone call, which he takes, and has a casual conversation from which I infer that plans are about to change.

Date: “That was my mom. My family is having a Christmas party down the road. Do you want to go? It will be fun”.

Sure, I love meeting entire families on first dates. 

Me: “Umm… I don’t know, I mean, I don’t want to intrude. They don’t know me.”

You barely know me.

Date: “Oh come on. They are super friendly. They will love you. There will be a lot of great food and presents.”

Me: “Presents?”

Date: “Yeah, they play Dirty Santa every year at this thing.”

As we continued down the highway, the dialogue went back and forth between him assuring me it wouldn’t be awkward and me trying to find a way to escape the moving car without looking obvious. Or killing myself. We ended up going, because I have an adverse reaction to telling people no, and guess what? It was awkward. Imagine that.

He pushed me to participate even though I hadn’t a gift to contribute. At one point I stole his Uncle’s gift of a fifth of Crown, but of course it was eventually stolen from me by a cousin of a cousin just as I thought my endurance of the night had paid off.

He went home without a goodnight kiss, and I went home with a fishing knifeHow’s that for a Merry Christmas? But, you know what is not awkward, unsatisfying, and sure to leave you alone under the mistletoe? Festivus for the Pressed of Us. I am participating along with all of your other favorite bloggers, so be sure to check it out. And if my gifter (I think I know who you are) is reading, this is for you:

merry kissmyass

One last thing, don’t forget to see Le Clown’s video post today in which he bids farewell to his Movember mustache and appoints me as conductor of Bloggers for Movember 2013. It’s an honor. A true honor. 

becca cord signature

About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on December 5, 2012, in Adventures, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 95 Comments.

  1. Best. First. Date. Story. Ever.

  2. I played Dirty Santa at an office party for my work study job in college. Everyone was fighting over a bottle of wine but since I was 19, I didn’t think it would be wise to steal it, at my place of work, at which everyone else was a grown up. So I ended up with some dollar store candles that stank up my dorm.

  3. Dirty Santa looks confusing. Although we’re sort of having a Secret Santa here this year and if we were to play that it would make things interesting. Or maybe not, given that it would take forever to explain how to play to the Sisters.

    How stupid of the date. I’m guessing you never saw him again!

    • I don’t like gift games in general. Pick a gift for one specific person, or everyone, and give it to them. Ta Da! You’re done.

      We remained friends. He was a sweet guy, but he simply lacked the first date prowess.

  4. Oh God, you’re scaring me! I am going to a Christmas with a rather new friend’s family this year. Should I take a gift just in case? Hopefully it’s not too awkward.

  5. At least this guy gave you blog fodder!
    The horror show dates of the past are the blogging gold of the future…

  6. A knife?
    That’s a keeper for me, I like cooking and also collects knives, I would have given him a second date to see what kind of gift I would get.
    First dates are usually awkward but at a family reunion, I would die I think.

  7. Thankfully, it’s not me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HF

  8. You got a fishing knife out of it soooo, small victory?

  9. So was this date on Christmas eve or just a random day in December on which you were taken to a Christmas party? What a weird story – which makes me love it…

  10. Becca, I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

    You had a fifth of Crown in your hand and you didn’t open it and chug it.

    *walks over to his bar, sees that there’s no Crown, pulls down a bottle of Jameson, wraps it in a Crown Royal bag, pours a solitary shot (in a Jameson light up shot glass no less), pours some on the ground for Becca’s failure, downs the shot, posts comment*

    (okay, I didn’t pour any on the ground)


  11. I hate dirty Santa. Hate it. So glad you got a fishing knife out of the deal. If it was a fillet knife, it should have been mighty sharp. Do you still have it?

  12. Never, not once, have I gotten a fishing knife out of a date. Never.
    And you didn’t even have to kiss him for it. You lucky lucky gal!

  13. I really didn’t intend for you to have an awkward night. Plus, I thought the fishing knife would have smoothed things over. Let me make it up to you and invite you to my next family thanksgiving. You can help cook!

  14. I’d go out on more dates if I was sure to get a gift of some sort. All my first dates make for great Seinfeld episodes…which is a gift in and of itself I guess. Do you have any more funny/awkward first/second/third/fourth/fifth(..sixth/seventh..) dates? I really want to hear about those.

  15. Any blog with a Christmas Tard the cat picture is win in my book.

  16. At least you were right, right? Spending time with your own family can be awkward enough. I’m sure he’s still a creep.

  17. Next time slip the story of “Lefty the White Elephant” into your pocket and arrive at the gift exchange with the suggestion that you are ready to take this party to the next level. If you can’t beat em, join em…
    Enjoy your Festivus!

  18. A fishing knife? Sounds like you actually got the best out of the two here 😉

  19. I once freaked out when a guy on a first date wanted to hold my hand. What is this, a BROTHEL?! You’re a braver woman than I am.

    Congrats on being Commissioner of Facial Hair next year. You earned it!

  20. Who invites a first date to a family party??? That is one Twisted Mister. But at least you got a free fishing knife. I’m looking forward to Festivus. And I love that kitty photo!!

  21. I’d have found it awkward, Becca… but as first dates go, it’s slightly more impressive than a boring old meal! 😉

  22. “As we continued down the highway, the dialogue went back and forth between him assuring me it wouldn’t be awkward and me trying to find a way to escape the moving car without looking obvious.”

    I find it so funny how you Americans deal with this kind of situations 🙂 Why you don’t just tell the asshole that he’s being a total dork and that there is no way you’re meeting his family on a first date!

    When I worked at the airport I spent a lot of time with Americans and they always have these kind of stories, they work themselves into all sorts of mess, because they don’t want to tell a person the truth or be hurtful. But when a person is a dumb-ass, isn’t it better that he knows that?

    Then again, I am happy you exist, because you are Comedic geniuses.

    Thank you for sharing this story, Becca. You always make me laugh. 🙂

  23. A FISHING KNIFE! Score! Best first date ever. I do hope it came with a lifetime guarantee. Those are the best, you know.

  24. At least you’re prepared in case you ever need to clean a fresh fish in a pinch. Who doesn’t love a handy gal like that?

    Love the post! Off to FB it goes!

  25. “am i about to get an involuntary vasectomy, or are you just happy to see me?”

  26. Frivolous Monsters

    “He went home without a goodnight kiss, and I went home with a fishing knife” is a great line, although I don’t think you should let it be known that you’re a girl who can’t say no! Could get you in trouble that…

  27. Gift giving on the first date seems a little forward to me. But hey – maybe he was just warming you up for the second date. Who knows what might he may have had in store? (though I loved your idea of kidney donation to show and share the love).

  28. I got one for you. You know what’s worse than going into something knowing it will be awkward? Going into something you KNEW would be fine, and it turning awkward.

    There is a friend of the family who celebrates his birthday on December 24th. Every year (until this year…bunch of divorce has happened. Not sure who won who yet) he comes over to the house on Christmas Eve, for a party of sorts. Every year he receives a 5th of Crown (theme much?) and every year he comes over totally smashed. He usually behaves himself too.

    One year I had a date with me who every one knew, and loved. He showed up and proceeded to behave himself for about an hour. After that hour was up a switch flipped. He spent the rest of the night trying to get her to sit on his lap, sometimes physically. We knew he was out of his mind, but man that was really bad for a minute.

  29. He’s lucky he made it out alive!

  30. I can’t believe he thought this would be a good idea. Can you imagine how much the second date would have gotten ramped up? “Oh, that call was from my sister. She’s getting married in an hour and needs an extra bridesmaid. You’ll have a great time and will look great in pink taffeta.”

  31. Best date ever – you went home with a knife!! I gotta have a date that ends like that!

    And you know who your Festivus gift giver is?! I need to stalk more…

  32. Talk about awkward and clueless!! “You barely know me,” Ha, and Yikes. Congrats on your new Conductor position for Movember. That’s awesome! You’ll do it up right, I know.

  33. The fishing knife may also be more handy than flowers brought home from a date. Though painful, it sounds like a memorable night.

  1. Pingback: Celebrating Clever | 25ToFly

  2. Pingback: Bad Dates « aneroidocean

Talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: