5 Healthy Alternatives to The Wall Slide
Believe it or not, I get a little blue from time to time. Surprise! I am human.
Whether the problem be as small as forgetting my lunch at home or as big as struggling to change my career, sometimes it feels good to just sulk for a minute. Just a minute. One. Small. Minute. We need to let ourselves fully feel some of these emotions in order to conquer them.
There is this cliché scene in movies where a character gets overwhelmed and you see them lean up against a door or wall and slide down until they are sitting there on the floor. Dejected. With a sigh and maybe even a face palm. We have all been there. I probably get there at least once a week. No really, I actually perform this dramatic sequence. The wall slide. It actually makes me feel better. But there are other weird ways in which I console myself when I am feeling frustrated, sad, lonely, or beset. Here are five of them that you may recognize as well.
Ariel gets it.
1. Driving just to drive.
Here’s the scenario. I leave an awful day at work. I arrive home and go through the routine: Check mail. Climb stairs. Go run. Feed Jack. Clean up all of the messes Jack made while I was away. Shower. Eat. Get antsy. Feel lonely. Grab keys. Music. Drive. It may not be economical, but it is certainly meditative.
2. Sitting in the shower.
Luckily for me, I have a tiny triangular bench/seat in my shower, so I don’t have to go full on pathetic by squatting or sitting on the drain. You know you have done it. After a stressful day when the water is really hot, you just want that moment where you don’t have to think or do anything or move a muscle (or stand apparently). So you sit. In the shower. Like a kid sitting under a sprinkler but with much less innocence and way more exhaustion. Occasionally beer is involved, as you learned last week.
3. Staring at the ceiling.
Seriously, try it. Lay down diagonally across your bed. Add a medium-speed fan for an even more trance like experience. At this point, you contemplate life and sigh… a lot.
4. Cleaning everything.
This one is for the more aggressive expulsion of bottled up emotions. There is nothing like blaring some Tech N9ne while you scrub the absolute shit out of your base boards, toilet, shower that you sit in, and/or your kitchen. The plus here is that you get to be over-the-top in the non-destructive way. There is nothing like waking up with your eyes swollen from cry-cleaning to the smell of lemon pledge and ammonia.
5. Writing a post about your feelings.
See this post.
Thanks to everyone who gave feedback on Wednesday about the blogger meet-up. We will be posting an update in the up coming weeks. I really think we can pull this off. If we don’t, I am going to have to find a lot of walls to slide down.
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Posted on February 22, 2013, in Humor and tagged 25tofly, ariel, Becca Cord, blog, blogger, blogger meet up 2013, cliche, coping, crying, dramatic, driving just to drive, funny blogger, humor, I can do exactly ten push ups, life, list, pity party, sadness, sitting in the shower, wall slide, WordPress. Bookmark the permalink. 137 Comments.
Ha, this was great. Wall sliding isn’t addressed enough in today’s society.
Thanks Andrew. My thoughts exactly.
Awesome list. All of the above.
High five!
I totally get the driving thing. It’s awesome. It’s the one thing I miss – I can’t just take a car out when I feel like it here. But I can go for a walk instead, so I stick on my iPod and march down to see the sea, which is actually, just as good (unless it’s raining).
That DOES sound good. I love being near water. It could be a puddle or an ocean. Doesn’t matter!
I’ve got the whole of the North Sea just a mile away (and it’s visible from the front door, unless it’s foggy, when we generally can’t even see the start of the driveway, never mind the end of it) and we also have a pond in our grounds, which is pretty awesome.
How lovely! (not the fog part)
The fog can actually be quite scary here. Especially when you remember that Dracula is set in Whitby.
Spooky fog is spooky.
Next time we get fog, I’ll take a picture to prove just how spooky it is.
OOOOH! Yeah!
Bet we won’t get fog for months now… The weather listens to people’s conversations, I’m sure.
I could see the weather being sneaky like that.
Certainly here in England it listens in. As soon as anyone mentions they’re planning a BBQ, it’s guaranteed to rain for the entirety of that weekend. I suggested to some friends that we come up with a code word to try to out-wit the weather. Didn’t work.
I’m moving 3,000 some-odd miles in just over a month, and shit be crazy. Soooo…. this is pretty timely. Though, to be fair, I don’t see how the wall slide is that unhealthy; no “healthy” alternatives needed. Still, mine are puppy cuddles, Malbec, and Thin Mints. Not sure those last two are healthy…
You have a point. I probably could take that descriptor word out of the title. They are all healthy if they help us cope, right? The only reason I implied that the wall slide is not healthy is because some people say it is dangerous if you don’t have good speed control ;).
Damn. That’s a timely post for me.
Hugs, sweets xx
Back at ya Pixie!
I have never done the wall slide. I feel like I may be missing out.
I like to drink wine in the bathtub…sometimes I do this while also reading gossip magazines. Crying also helps.
Hope you’re feeling better.
Thanks Jen. I am jealous of your bath time. I also like to blast the Ipod. My neighbors like me … a lot. I just know it!
Oh dear. I’ve been sliding down walls with my front to the wall. This whole back business is much less awkward and ergonomically acceptable.
(But, also, this was a very funny post, Bex! If you need a wall slide wingman I’ll be the one with his sweatshirt hood snuggly wrapped around his entire while laying on the floor)
You are upping the ante with the hoodie! Hoodies make everything alright.
The front slide sounds like a challenge. But then again, it can’t be much different from making out with walls… which I have plenty of experience with.
Haha! Great post, and so true. I definitely do the cleaning thing, and also the blog post thing.
Thanks ma’am. Good to know we all practice similar rituals!.
When I was in highschool I drove my 1988 Grand Marquis 50 miles south and nearly ran out of gas and had to call my Dad… I felt like a dumb ass. Now I no longer have a car and take to just laying in the grass somewhere slapping bugs and starring at clouds. I support the beer shower, as long as it’s not a Mic Ultra. 😉
Whatever works Sloan. Next time I will drink an IPA just for you 😉
Becca,
Here’s one for you:
When I’m feeling blue
All I have to do
Is take a look at you
Then I’m not so blue.
Le Clown Collins
This definitely made me feel better.
I was totally thrown off by your first sentence. I’m still reeling. Or is it only down here that blue means erotic???
Down where?
In the sexy area.
You may want to see a doctor.
Does the doctor have a sexy area?
Like I would know something like that…. PSHHH.
I thought you were a sexy area expert! Oh well, off to ask Jen and Tonic…
I get all of my answers from her. Go to the sexy area oracle Jen.
OK she was quick. Her answer is: “I guess in his pants.”
Hahahaha.
She is the expert alright!
Becca, this makes me feel blue…
Slide down a wall with me? That should certainly make us both feel better, no?
If the anonymous poster is Becca, pick a wall and wax the floor. I’ll go put some socks on!
It was me, don’t know why I went incognito there. 🙂
Like you, one of my retreats is the shower. Also like you, I refuse to look pathetic by crouching over the shower drain (at least to cry or decompress. Since I don’t have a built-in seat, I avoid the overly dramatic “crouch” by dragging my office chair in with me.
You are a master at the sitting shower, obviously. Slow clap!
Just preparing myself for that day when I’ll need one of those walker/toilet/seat things. Hopefully, I wont get confused and take a dump in the shower and then go strip in the living room with a bar of soap. Maybe I should just that now and get it over with…
I think it Is best to get those things out of the way sooner than later. Aim for the drain, and my god be with you.
My thoughts exactly! To do it now is funny. Later, it will just be sad. Have a great weekend, Becca 😉
You too Ned!!
I will often grab a book, and disappear into that. Or tv. One of the two ^.^
I am surprised no one has said a book yet. That’s a good way to de-stress.
Especially when it’s one you’ve read multiple times before, so you know you like it, and don’t really have to concentrate on the storyline!
Clever girl!
😉 oh, YOU know!
Feeling blue is tiring. The wall slide exerts effort so I skip that one. So does doing even 10 push ups when you don’t feel like it.
I tend to dream of things to eat and stay under covers. Being warm is essential when you are feeling low.
Enjoy your drive/beer/shower/ceiling and walls. Some days these are all called for.
Yes ma’am. I plan to drive home from work, take a beer into the shower, slide down the shower wall into sitting position and then air dry while staring at my ceiling.
It’s going to be a wild Friday night!
Woo!
I’m sure you just made a few boys jealous with these comments.
I am sure they can get over it with a wall-slide of their own 😉
Great post! Reminds us that it’s okay to feel down sometimes. Especially if you are always known for being the happy go lucky one. These past few weeks, I’ve been doing the cleaning, the really hot showers, turn off all the lights and blast music and just lay there, walking and jogging…..maybe I need to do the wall slide to shake my blues.
That is exactly what I was trying to get across with this post, while poking a little fun at myself. I agree with the walking/jogging thing too. I also like to jog to really loud, aggressive music to outrun my qualms.
You really did a good job on this one. Especially because it’s also good to know you’re never alone. You feel like it, but there’s never any proof you know. Am I the only one who drinks in the shower? Or when I take a hot bath to try and ease the muscle and joint pain, is it sad that I’m drinking in the tub? Should I get my smokes out? Poking fun is a good thing. I feel like I’m loosing my witty sarcastic sense of humor, just from having to be the strong one all the time. In case you didn’t know, you rock!
Amber, that means a lot to me for you to say. It is draining to be strong all of the time. To the point that it can be debilitating.
There is nothing wrong with bath drinking. I actually prefer it to shower drinking, but unfortunately I no longer have a bath in my apartment.
A girl’s got to do what she can with what she’s got.
*bums Amber a smoke* No Amber, you rock.
Ah, you made my day! And I do mean everything I said. Thanks for tossing me a smoke, I think I’ll go take that bath now!
Go! Enjoy! I’m right behind you. But not in the sense that I am coming in there with you. I’ll just be doing the same thing. Alone. In my own apartment.
😉
🙂 LMAO!
The wall slide is actually quite difficult if you don’t have strong quads. I don’t have a car or a driver’s license, so I can’t do the drive one. Staring at the ceiling would bore me and make me even sadder. Sitting in the shower just makes my fingers all wrinkly and I hate that. So for me it’s all about the cleaning. Scrubbing everything is pretty darned therapeutic. As is shopping on eBay and outbidding everyone for things you don’t need. And watching crap television. And eating your weight in ice cream. Yes.
And making your cat run into things with a laser light?
That too!!!
Do you need a hug, Becca? 😦
Why yes, I’d love one from you any time.
*virtual hug*
((((( )))))))
Is that an eyebrow?
Sure.
Nice.
Eyebrows are eyeball mustaches. Is your mind blown yet?
Whoaaaaa. This is heavy stuff.
Whenever I have a perfectly clean kitchen you can be sure something is up.
Denmother
Exactly. A friend walks in to my sparkling apartment and it’s automatically, “Oh my god. Are you okay?”.
I am a huge fan of the dramatic wall slide, just something about it that makes things a little better. Mindless tv is good too.
And perfecting your cry face.
I like to numb out on gluten-free cereal & pinterest binges.
Cleaning just doesn’t do it for me the way it used to. Probably because I live with children and despair.
Binge eating is totally acceptable. Despair is not.
Singing at the top of your lungs. Preferably something really tough and angry. Like Taylor Swift (that girl has feelings.)
HA! I prefer Eminem, Alanis, or Avril. Taylor Swift is in the dictionary under “emotional transparency”.
Can’t disagree about Taylor but must take issue on Avril. Her lyrics are way too literal. *Maybe* I’m still judging her from when she was 15.
She had a CD out when I was in high school that got me through my first big break up. I had to have her back after that.
Lol, I must admit I liked My Happy Ending.
Britney Spears’ Stronger got me through my first breakup.
MY LONLINESS A’INT KILLIN’ ME NO MOOOORRRE
Yeah, she was good.
Oooo, I do that one too! Drive my car, blasting music, singing like I think I’m winning American Idol!
Exactly! I may have done that with “I Knew You Were Trouble” several times yesterday. Not my fault it’s on the radio all the time.
oooo, yeah. Every time that song comes on I’m helpless…
For #1, you need to go all out, like Rocky in Rocky IV. It would help if you have Survivor blasting on the radio.
Adele is a go-to for a good car cry.
Survivor, Adele, same thing, right?
Totally interchangeable. 😉
Hee hee.. I hate cleaning and driving – so please drive to Tucson and clean my house (and slide down my walls) next time you’re feeling blue. I’m hear for ya. We can both stare at the ceiling and put on depressing music (Pink Floyd comes to mind).
Sounds like a depressingly good time. I’ll be there in a jiffy. Which is approximately 18 hours.
Excellent – I’ll have plenty for you to clean.
I am great with SOS pads. Just saying.
Gottcha… I’m great at making food – you clean, I’ll cook – we’ll eat and listen and slide down the walls.
DEAL.
Guilty as charged — on all points. I had a roommate in college that would smoke cigarettes and drink Dr. Pepper in the shower. I don’t know what his deal was.
Cigarettes… in the shower? Now that’s impressive.
Everyone has a talent, right? 🙂
I do the bed thing from time to time but instead of staring at the fan I go face down and fall asleep for about 15 minutes. If it is any more, the kids think I am missing.
I think they call that a “power nap”.
#3 usually does the trick for me.
Fan or no fan?
Oh, driving. My pity-party activity of choice before children and crazy gas prices. Now it’s taking a walk and laying down on the golf course, hoping that I don’t die of hypothermia …
Ooooh! Laying down in the grass is definitely a step up from laying horizontally across the bed. Good call! Way more financially responsible as well ;).
I thought times like these were what the beer shower was for?
The shower beer can be helpful in these times, but the shower beer is also a celebratory ritual. These practices are strictly for times of distress.
Oh. I certainly identify with taking a drive. I used to do this often before I became a father and could just leave whenever I wanted. It was quite cleansing to just go out on a country road, blast some music, and think about nothing but the next curve and what the next lyric is.
I don’t think I’m lithe enough for the wall slide. I’d fall over instead. And probably hurt myself in the process.
It can be dangerous if you don’t know what you are doing.
That’s why I won’t try it. A physical trainer had me do that with an exercise ball once. It didn’t end well.
I have an image of you sling-shotting yourself across a room.
With an exercise ball? That would have been awesome, but sadly that did not happen.
I do a regular rotation or 3, 4 and 5, but I’ve never actually tried the wall slide. Now that you point it out, I can think of at least 10 times I’ve seen it in movies/tv…I’m going to try it…right now!
Loved this post 🙂
Nice to see a new face! Thanks ma’am. Here is a pro-tip for you on the wall slide (because the first one can be tricky): try on carpeted area to avoid tailbone injuries.
Hope to see you around more often 🙂
You seem to be just like me! I do all four, with emphasis on driving while listening to music. I probably do that more than shower, staring at ceiling, and cleaning everything 🙂
I have to agree there. I zone out when I drive and listen to good sad music (which may not be very safety conscious) but it is good for the soul as long as you don’t wreck.
I agree. By the way, your auto insurer is not on-line…right? 🙂 Kidding!!
Uh oh….
I do a lot of ceiling staring. There are two places on my downstairs ceilings where the nails are coming through and I’m rather drawn to those area. I like to contemplate those nails and the way they are pushing through the paint. Cleaning–I don’t do that unless I’m desperate. And I live in the city so driving is a pain. It’s more annoying than anything else. I guess I could try a wall slide.
Whatever works best for you! You could also try ceiling stares. I promise it will be enlightening.
By the way. I can totally see you sitting in the shower drinking a beer.
I mean, I won’t picture it – the wife would kick my ass, she can read my thoughts by now – but I believe it.
Great post about depression!
HA! I can see me drinking a shower beer too, mostly because that is where I wish I was right now! Thanks Hook.
You’re human?
I suppose you expect me to believe that Santa is a product of an out-of-control retail market and that porn stars fake it, right?
COME ON, BECCA!!! STOP THE MADNESS!!!
The cat is out of the bag. No going back now!
Welcome to the Matrix…
I’m a huge fan of the “drive just to drive”, often in the form of asking “gee, where does this highwat end?”
Once did that on I-95, from NYC.
It was a good trip.
I would love to drive across country. I think it would be the equivalent to taking peyote or something. Right?
I haven’t done the cleaning thing yet…but – yeah, I’ll probably never do that. I have done pretty much all of the others.
Congrats on 100! And I can only do about 8 or 9 pushups…so good job with that too.
Thanks Jon! I finally got to three digits! No wall slides today!