Go Home Fear, You’re Drunk

Hello Flysters, lovely to be writing a post here today. Guess what? I have a new article for The Indie Chicks that will be published on Tuesday, May 14th. It is about mistaking fate, and it is for all of us out there who are struggling to land our creative dream jobs. Please give my article some love if you get a chance to pop on over there Tuesday for a good read. I will post the link once it is live. ALSO, The Indie Chicks are having a Badass Blogger contest in which they have a Funniest Blog and Funnies Vlogger category for which you can nominate people named Becca. Hint, hint. Click here to help me dominate the contest. It’s VERY simple to nominate, but it ends May 15th. That’s next Wednesday.


I posted a tweet last week that looked like this:

tweet about fear

Edward’s picking up what I am putting down.

This was the result of a deeply reflective moment that I had in my new residence when intrusive thoughts hijacked my brain. Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome involuntary thoughts and images that are upsetting or distressing and can be difficult to manage or eliminate. In my case, they often come in the form of irrational fears. And everyone knows that the most rational reaction to these types of thoughts is to turn to Twitter for comfort.

I’ll give you a peek into my mind’s window. One minute, the propane tank I was having a smoke next to was more likely to spontaneously explode transforming me into pink mist, than I was to be harmed from smoking cancer sticks in the first place. Next, I was certain I was about to become a victim of home invasion, but there was totally no danger of breaking a toe while frantically scaling the stairs to hide from nothing. At one point, I almost convinced myself that some grotesque person was living in the attic and spying on me through the ceiling vents for some sort of sick entertainment. Then, almost as if the weather sensed my paranoia, a thunderstorm chimed in, and I turned to a stiff drink to shut off my asshole mind.

The next morning turned the uneasy night into fog, and I went about the day enjoying the cloudless sky and discounting my previous episode as a fluke brought on by the stresses of moving. But then I started to notice other fears lurking in my cerebral lair. Ridiculous fears of which I was suddenly hyper aware but had never noticed before.

1. I get extremely uneasy when I hear a radio caller contest winner on the radio, because I am afraid that they will forget what radio station to thank at the end, thus immediately vaporizing the entire universe with their faux pas. I realized at that moment that I will never over come this. I will never be caller number nine.

2. Is that radio volume set to 19? Better turn that shit up to a nice, even multiple of five so that I don’t uncontrollably veer into oncoming traffic and cause a 50 car pile up. Whew, that was a close one. Oops, I almost gave that car in front of me a love tap while looking down at the dial, LOL.

3. Karaoke? KaraNOke.

These are just a few examples of some of the fears that coagulate in my brain from time to time. They are never rational, never logical, and never fail to ultimately make me laugh at myself. So what are some of the fears you experience that make you want a stiffy? A stiff drink. Stop saying stiff, Becca.


becca cord signature

About becca3416

Becca Cord is a twenty-something year old southern ballerina turned humor writer and video editor. Having lived in Louisiana her entire life, she is now perusing her travel dreams while starting her own free-lance Web Marketing business and organizing a nation wide blogging event, Blogger Interactive. She believes one of her callings is making people laugh, and she intends to do so. You can find Becca on her personal blog, Facebook page, or Twitter @becca25tofly.

Posted on May 8, 2013, in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 80 Comments.

  1. Becca, don’t ever stop saying stiff!
    Faith xx

  2. Fear of someone living in the attic is super legitimate. Odds are it’s the evil child from a family of inbred Nazis. It happens!

    I just voted for you, too. Immediately, I was contacted by the Indie Chicks who told me to stop contacting them.

  3. There is an easy way to empty your head of your fears and that is to stand in a crowded elevator and release the pressure from your “propane” tank. Just stand there and smile Rebecca. No more fear 😉 Ralph xox

  4. I remember that tweet! That was brilliant!

  5. So, I know what you mean about the radio contest winner because I imagine that I would do something like that and I fear it whenever I hear an excited winner.

    Karaoke is a huge one for me. Sean is trying to make me go and says he’s going to serenade me and while there isn’t a date set for it, I already have this terrible feeling in my stomach about it and I won’t even be singing!

  6. Snakes are the worst. The last time I saw one in real life (I saw one at the Zoo last year…yeah, I won’t be going back to that Zoo for a while) I froze. I couldn’t move. I walked around the house, in the opposite direction “it” went in. I got in the house, turned on every light…and locked all of the doors. I stood in the living room, watching TV for about an hour. This was during the summer time, so I had been working outside before all of this. This meant I had to take a shower and clean off. Yeah, I did so…with the shower door wide open, so I could keep watch. I can’t remember if I was drinking at the time or not, but if I was I probably downed a fifth of Canadian Mist just to get to sleep.

    I’m not sure if this is all rational or not…but it is something.

    I also worry if I’m sleeping around clawed cats, without socks on. My toesies wiggle in the night.

    • So, you’re cool with Jack staying with you in your room at the meet up in Austin? I’ll let him know. He is going to be PUMPED.

      I think that certainly qualifies as an irrational fear. I do that when I see lizards. Snakes on the other hand …

  7. Just reblogged this on You’ve Been Hooked, Becca, Thanks for helping to fill the void left by my absence.
    (It’s been a really weird day off – even by my standards.)

  8. I want to thank you for this post, which pretty much legitimized an “irrational” fear I had of a donut hole randomly fall into my mouth while sleeping.


  10. Wow. . .this makes me feel like I should get some irrational fears!! lol

    • If you don’t have em, good for you ma’am! Stay that way. It gets hard to blow dry my hair in a hurry when I keep having to shut it off because I think I hear an alien coming up the stairs to probe me.


      • Ooh, unexpected alien probings!! I like that one! The only thing I can think of which might be an irrational fear, is my fear of getting my shoe string caught in an escalator, or shitting myself because I can’t make it off the highway fast enough if I’m driving somewhere and the need to poop hits me. Do you think those qualify??

        • Those definitely qualify, especially the poop one. That would be traumatic.

          I used to have one about the elevator doors closing on my if I wasn’t the first one in and first one out. Then my mom tried to take me on the Tower of Terror and now I can’t even get on them period. But hey, I have great legs because of it ;).

  11. Your fear is totally valid. If that happened to me I would basically die of all the shame in the world. Seriously one time I went to Jack In the Box and ordered Chicken nuggets. I apologized so profusely and felt so ashamed that I did not go back to that Jack in the Box for like 5 years. I feel like the walls know.

    • I feel your pain! That was pretty cringe worthy. I also get nervous about opening doors with any kind of push bar on them. I always think an alarm is going to go off. Seriously, I will just stand there until someone else tests it out and the coast is clear. One time I even had to spend the night in this building on my old college campus . It was rough.

  12. I have a lot irrational fears like how my hand could move the steering wheel off the side of a cliff and I couldn’t control it. Or a bug could get shot with a size increasing laser and eat me. Shut up weirdo mind!

  13. Can one person win both contests? Because I’m pretty sure you’re going to set a new precedent.

    • That’s what I am going for Katie. Pure domination of both of the Funny categories.

      I am REALLY pulling for the funniest vlog one because I am trying to build my viewership on YouTube. I have a lot of videos coming up and I want there to be more than crickets chirping when I upload them!

      Thank you for the encouragement!

  14. I don’t want to come off as some kind of braggart, but I’ve been caller number nine a few times in my life. Also, do radio stations still exist?

    • Please tell me you remembered the name of the radio station. Please! I must know!

      Radio Stations still exist in museums. I drive into a lot of museums. Don’t judge.

      • It was WBCN, 104.1FM. The Rock of Boston. Sadly it is gone now, although it might be internet radio station now. I like driving into all types of buildings, so I shan’t judge ye.

  15. I will never be caller number nine…me either, sister. Cheers! Becca, you definitely made me laugh today.

    • Yay! I love making you laugh. Seriously!

      We will just start our own contest that doesn’t include talking on the phone and remembering phrases and such.

  16. I’m totally with you on number one. I really feel like I’d cry if the person wasn’t able to complete all of the tasks associated with one of those contests. Like, they were so close, but just couldn’t get there.

  17. “At one point, I almost convinced myself that some grotesque person was living in the attic and spying on me through the ceiling vents for some sort of sick entertainment.”

    You almost caught me!

  18. Karaoke is good, clean fun for the whole family. Just pick a song that the crowd will sing along to. Everyone will have a great time and regardless of how you sing, you’ll be like a rock star.

  19. I hope you kick ass in the BBAs, Becca!

  20. I shall be subscribing in a couple of days! no doubt there is a profound saying about fearing fear or whatever but I can’t think of one.

  21. It’s not so much the fear, it’s what it stops you from doing.

    I’m off to Youtube to subscribe!

  22. Becca,
    Fear is an illusion. Just like Justin Bieber.
    (My daughter just informed me that Justin Bieber is in fact, a real human being and not an android with a lesbian haircut. Damn.)
    Anyway, I live in fear of losing my family, I don’t know how, but I know my life would be void without their presence.
    I hope you kick ass in the blogging awards, my dear fiend. Wonderful post – again!
    The Hook.

    • Justin Bieber is an illusion? Hallelujah! I am going to ignore parentheses today.

      You’re family probably, most definitely feels the exact same way about you, Hook. Here’s to you! Thanks so much.

  23. i love the finality of realization and acceptance, as if months of soul searching and definitive reflection have led to only one ultimate conclusion: I will never be caller number nine. that was a great. capturing “dead pan” in words isn’t easy.

  24. Becca,

    Funny, fear seems to be popular today. A discussion for attracting what you fear goes something like:

    Afraid your husband is cheating? 1 800 DIVORCE.

    Afraid of cancer (or expressing your anger) ? Would you like your chemo shaken or stirred?

    I know, I know…..I am ridiculous.


  25. Can’t wait ’til the 14th, or the 15th, or whatever.

  26. Becca,
    Le Clown

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