Oh Y’all

It’s Friday, which means come five o’clock, I will transition in to the non-virtual world. Kind of like when Ariel gets legs for a while at the price of losing her voice. I try to disconnect from the WWW on weekends to maintain my reputation as an actual human and not a robot.

Pretty much identical.

As you all know, I suffered through some writer’s block recently. What I realized today, is that it wasn’t a problem with letting the words flow or putting together entertaining sentences, but rather an issue of topic. My ideas are lost somewhere on an island talking to a volley ball. SOS. I need your  help. If you have any post ideas that you think I should explore, or anything you would like to hear my take on, please leave your suggestion(s) in the comments. I will of course give you credit for the idea should I use it. I will also write your name in my notepad with a heart around it.

Before I announce the winning comments from the past week… or three, or whatever, I would like to say thank you to two ladies. Firstly, thanks to Ms. Maddie Cochere. She drives a truck, rides motorcycles without a helmet, and apparently loves a gamble. She is basically a Bandito, but she still isn’t above blog awards and using the term “sweet”. Thank you for the compliment. I always wanted to be described like a candy bar. I don’t usually participate in the awards anymore, but sometimes I like to answer the questions that come along with them. This is one of those times:

Cookies or Cake?  I don’t like sweets. But I will fuck up some fortune cookies.
Chocolate or Vanilla?  Sounds racist.
What is your favorite sweet treat? Again, I don’t fancy sweets except for the fact that I usually drink my sugar with a dash of coffee.
When do you crave sweet things the most?  When I have a penis. That means never in case you are confused.
If you had a sweet nickname what would it be? Urban Dictionary says that sweet means, “something pretty awesome”. Since Urban Dictionary has not failed me in my life ever, I will use this definition. Someone called me “boots” once, and that was pretty sweet. 

I would also like to thank Ms. Marie for adding me to her Featured Posts this week on Good Morning Joe. There are a great variety of interesting reads over there. I give you permission to go visit, but be sure to look both ways when you cross the street.

And now for the comment winners…

Adam of My Right to Bitch on 10 Personal Post Secrets Revealed

John, aka Red, of Society Red on Shit Bloggers Do , because he was the  first one to recognize my hidden joke in the tags.

And finally, Brother Jon on Who Are You Ty Ling?.

Y’all are obviously clever, so get to typing more comments. Give me your ideas my pretties. Please and thank you. Oh, and have a good weekend too yo.

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Hey You, I Think You’re Fly

People get down. People get irrational thoughts when they are down. People either break, or get through it. This weekend I thought a lot about two people. Tracy Fulks and Wayne. They both have overcome some things that are pretty much equivalent to that asteroid Bruce Willis had to blow up. I will stay firm in my belief that this is why the world didn’t end. Owe you one, Bruce. Anyway, I just wanted to recognize that there are some strong people around here. I look up to those people. Thinking about their battles and triumphs stops me when I begin to sulk over the petty.

Wayne gave me two awards recently which really boosted me, but I haven’t been able to participate in keeping those going. I think I made a subconscious decision not to participate in those anymore simply because I have too much already planned to work on. I feel a bit bad about this.

I am still proud of my mistletoe placement.

So here is what I am going to do. I am giving Wayne and Tracey my own personal award. The Fly Blog Award (holiday style). I am also giving it to Jillian, because she is one of the most supportive bloggers ever, and I know she will appreciate it.  Basically, you can do whatever you want with the blabel. Use it as media in a post, put it on your sidebar, laugh at it and walk away, whatever. But, those are my own real long johns in the background, so treat them with care. Don’t worry, you don’t have to kiss anyone’s crotch either. Unless you want to…

You can pass it on or not. If you chose to pass it along, there are no award rules except that you can only pass it to one person that embodies your definition of fly. Give that person the spotlight they deserve. You don’t have to answer any questions, thank me personally on your blog, or link back to me.

Best Monday Ever

Why? This is why:

• The Movember Winners Banner is finished and revealed. See above. It is better than I ever imagined.
• The accompanying Movember 2012 page is complete. Winners can go bask in their glory.
• It rained this morning, and I actually had an umbrella on me … for once.
• I get to be La Becca for one whole week of A Becca on Fire on Le Clown’s blog.
• Did you read the last bullet point?!

I will still be working on the Fly Blog Award, I didn’t forget. But when you are on fire, it’s hard to concentrate.

Celebrating Clever

This will be a short post, but I want to try something.

The greatest satisfaction of blogging is probably finally hitting the publish button after you have worked, reworked, and worked again on your post. The even greater satisfaction of blogging is the comment section. I don’t think I ever get boring comments. Y’all are like my own little laugh factory waiting to explode with responses that could make even Kristen Stewart crack a grin. Yeah, I went for that unoriginal and overused joke. You see? I am not the funny one here, y’all are.

So here is what I am thinking. I’d like to end my blogging weeks by recognizing three funniest comments for each week. I will still write a normal post, but I will post screen shots of the selected comments (for those of you who don’t read the comment section thoroughly) at the end of my post, and link to the bloggers with the winning comments.  I don’t blog on Saturday or Sunday usually, so the idea is for these comment winner announcements to appear on Friday posts. Today will be a test run.

I will be be elaborating on the Fly Blog Award next week. As long as I don’t get burned out.

El Guapo on Picture This… (does this count as a birthday present?):

Derek of Practically Serious on This is My Festivus Post:

Mike Calahan on the same post:

Thanks for making me laugh every day. What do y’all think about this idea? Love it? Hate it? Should I give up blogging and try to become a stock photo model? Express yourself in the comments. Mind you, I said express, not expose.

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Picture This…

Why is there so much badassery going on in the WordPress crib right now? Is everyone not aware that December is supposed to be the Friday of the months of the year? It is supposed to be the free pass month for all things lazy, self-indulgent, and greedy. Y’all are messing that up for me (at least the lazy part), but you know what? It is worth it. Because I love you. There I said it.

Speaking of all things badass, there is yet another event happening that I couldn’t not participate in. Julie and Byronic Man, I am talking to you. I am after your sheets. If those reading this don’t know what I am talking about, that’s a shame, but I’ll forgive you if you visit one of their pages and educate yourself. So generous.

You see, just last night Jack decided to practice his own self indigent behavior. The little fellow wore himself out making confetti of my softest-sheets-ever and didn’t hesitate when he got to the pillow cases. To top it off, like a cherry on top of a resentment sundae, he puked right in the middle of the shredded pile and then pranced off to destroy the rest of my favorite things.

I may not sleep under my sheets, but they are still an integral component of the optimal sleep environment. So, come to think of it, I am not being greedy at all. I need those sheets. Plus, who wouldn’t want to sleep on top of one of Julie’s adorable chipmonks or the hottest guy on WordPress Byronic Man?

As the rules state, I have harnessed every ounce of holiday cheer to bring you the 25toFly Christmas Card. Here it is:

A special greeting for you at my family’s expense.

Do you know what it is like to have your photo taken at every worst possible moment? Have you ever experienced the trauma of being blinded by the flash in the middle of your mascara “O” face (you know you do this ladies)? It’s impressive, really. The man you all want to have a beer with so badly can even manage to take a bad picture of himself. You may still like my Dad more than you like me, but if you keep hanging out with him for too long, you can kiss your photogenic-ness goodbye.

Dad has been capturing our sweet little distorted mug shots since the 90’s!

As if this post didn’t including enough of y’alls favorite things (my dad, contests, sexy people) I am going to leave this (rough version) here for you to ponder. The placement of mistletoe is in no way suggestive of anything other than the pure Christmas spirit.

Just kidding. It’s sexual innuendo.

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Movember Contest Winners Reveal – Vlog Style

Who vlogs on a blog? Boundary pushers. Free thinkers. Entrepreneurs. Imbeciles. Me.

Before you click play I have a few last words. I intended for the vlog to be more professional. I wanted it to have more jokes and music. I also wanted it to be highly pixelated and choppy at some points, because that is considered arty. I wanted it to be arty.

Just kidding. I lost “my” internet connection after the first recording session and had to resort to recording the last few bits on my Iphone. That may be pathetic, and I probably just gave you all a reason to label me as cheap, but I see this as a courageous move. I could have quit and left you all hanging. I could have thrown my computer off of the third story balcony. But I didn’t, so here is what resulted. It went okay.

That move was for you Billy Zane Aneroidocean. Did you really think I was going to put on my tutu?

So again, the winners were:

Madame Weebles

Chris De Voss 

Katie – SLP_Echo

Jon – Brother Jon

I will e-mail you all later today letting you know how you can get  in touch with Timmer to let him know how you would like to be illustrated. I wish you could all be in the banner. I assume that would take Tim quite some time, and then he wouldn’t be able to go drunk fountain splashing with me. So we can’t do that. Congrats to the winners and thank you to everyone who participated. As if I haven’t said it enough.

Also, I added the page I spoke about at the top of my blog titled “Movember 2012”. I will be working on the blurbs about the winners to complete that page. In the meantime, everyone can go read an end of Movember post by Emily of The Waiting over at ACOF.

 

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Kill You With A Smile

Yes, I am just happy to see you. [You can thank Le Clown for Photoshopping this].

So, I have learned something. I would be a horrible riddle book writer. Apparently, not only was my post yesterday thrown together too late, but my clues were too easy, and that asshole Aneroidocean ruined the what I thought would be fun little guessing game for everyone (by the way, can you please stop being an asshole and write an about me page already?).

To everyone else, please accept my new look and bulging crotch as an apology. Sorry Rich. Am I ruining your session?

None of this matters of course, because I am still basking in the glow of my own little session. The past two nights have been an ongoing threesome between me, my TV, and my PS3. All of my buttons were pushed (literally) and all parties reached their checkpoints, if you know what I mean. All I know is that I am glad it is finally the weekend, because these late nights aren’t doing anything for my complexion (as you can see above).

On another less weird note, Jillian Levi is at it again. She won a bunch of those awards and mentioned me as a nominee for this thing:

When I should really be winning creepiest post title of the year.

Like with the last award someone tossed down to me, I won’t participate in paying this forward, because… it takes too much time. I am just being honest here. Plus, I wouldn’t want people thinking I am actually a decent blogger who helps encourage others. I am a hitman now god dammit.

25toFly Movember Drawing Contestant List

I know I said I would post this Friday, but I am impatient and a pathalogical bliar (blog liar). So, here I have compiled the list of bloggers who qualify for my banner drawing (so far but with only two days left). The number beside each name represents how many times your name is entered in the drawing depending on whether or not you donated AND liked the Bloggers for Movember page.

Not being announced in this post. HA PSYCH!

Please double-check me, I may appear to posses advanced intelligence but lists and counting dumb me down. Remember, a donation is required to qualify for the drawing. If I overlooked you, please tell me in the comments or I am going to feel worse than the Shamwow guy does about wet-vacs.

• Daan – Ifkkrokk – 2
• Carrie – The Write Transition – 2
• John – SocietyRed – 1
• Jillian Levi – 2
• Storkhunting – 2
• Rutabaga – The Mercenary Researcher – 2
• Jason – Life of JWo – 2
• Katie – SLP_Echo – 2
• Tracey Fulks – 2
• Jen – Sips of Jen and Tonic – 2
• Cathy Ulrich – 2
• Amy – Just West of Crunchy – 2
• Mike – heylookawriterfellow – 1
• La La – Tales of a Charm City Chick – 2
• Frank – A Frank Angle – 2
• Jon – Brother Jon – 2
• Mike Calahan – 1
• Ericka – Creative Liar – 1
• Leo -Doggy’s Style – 2
• Chris De Voss – 2
• El Guapo – 1
• Madame Weebles – 2
• Amy – The Bumble Files – 2
• Stephanie – HonieBriggs – 1
• Nicole – Words and Other Things – 2
• Emily – The Waiting – 2
• Sloan – The Sole Search – 1

That’s 25 bloggers. Did I just count good?! Good luck to everyone. If you donate between today and Friday, or if I goofed and left you off, I will gladly add your name to the list.

And finally, to Tim, I didn’t include you in the list since you are illustrating the prize, but I did want to recognize the fact that you contributed to the moon on this thing. I also wanted to remind you to make sure you put your signature somewhere on the final banner (I am sure that was unnecessary for me to tell you) and to write a special thank you directed towards you. You did a LOT for the Movember movement. No, that’s an understatement. If it weren’t for you, my contest would have sucked a prune. Your Facebook timeline covers, my banner, your Movember posts, and your donations, likes and comments really made a wonderful difference in this whole experience.  THANK YOU from the bottom of my long johns (I promise that isn’t how it sounds). Now, will you go out with me? Be sure to wear that tie and we can dance to some RAC remix. We will end the night splashing around drunk in a fountain somewhere screaming “‘Merica!!!!!!!!!!!!!” at everyone. How’s that sound?

Look out for the final VIDEO announcement revealing the winners next week!

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