Category Archives: How I Knew
It seems like almost a decade ago that I made the naive decision to start smoking. Maybe this is because it actually was a decade ago. That means I have probably consumed approximately 35 some odd thousand “joes” as we dubbed them. How appalling.
I was a mere fifteen years old when I decided it was necessary that I begin smoking. It was actually a dual decision made by Jazzy and me. We would do it together. Jazzy and I both maybe 100 pounds each yet were utterly convinced we needed to lose weight. I blame this on our environment at the time. We were just emerging as principal dancers in the ballet company we belonged to, and if you look up ballerina in the dictionary it will read: person who feels the need to achieve perfection at all times.
We were perpetually unsatisfied with our bodies, which I eventually grew out of thankfully, but at the time we scrounged for anything that promised a quick fix towards emaciating ourselves. This lead to the smoking. We read somewhere back on AOL, in between getting kicked off of the dial-up, that nicotine boosts your metabolism. Thus, we ran with the idea like the stupid tweens that we were.
That 5-year-old, frail as it was stale, Virginia Slim that Jazzy had hidden from her mother when she was a concerned young tot, gave me the worst sensation I had ever felt, tasted and smelled in my entire life. Naturally, I had to have more. That is not to say that you immediately become overwhelmingly addicted to cigarettes after that first puff, but like I said, I was determined.
Fast forward to the present. I am a full believer in the notion that you mentally must be ready to quit and truly want to do so in order to succeed. Don’t quit just because it is more of a turn-off for your new boyfriend than the thought of Lady GaGa’s wiener. Don’t quit just because you want that same boyfriend’s mom to approve of you. Basically, don’t quit for the benefit of someone else. Quit because you are sick of it.
I’ve been sick of smoking for most of this year. Then, after two trips up north where they treat smokers in the same manner as I imagine they treated the witches of Salem, I was beyond sick of it. I began smoking less and less. I knew what time it was better than Flavor Flav and his army of clocks.
How would this be different from the other times I made the attempt but failed? This time, I refused to broadcast my goal to my friends and family. Here are some of the reasons why I didn’t, and why you shouldn’t (note: this goes for giving up anything unhealthy for you).
1. The majority of your affirmations and praise will come from others instead of yourself. Becoming your own cheerleader is the most important. The confidence you will have in yourself will be the most powerful, especially if that confidence is coming from no other sources.
2. Some of your still-smoking friends may tease you, taunt you or worse, ostracize you. They may feel just as uncomfortable smoking around you as you feel not smoking around them. If you don’t announce your decision at the front door, the pressure is off both sides.
3. Let’s say you become seduced by booze and light up. You will know you’ve slipped up, but no one will feel obligated to point it out.
4. If everyone is tracking your “progress” when those downfalls happen, you won’t have to deal with the added stress of feeling like everyone thinks you failed. That stress can lead to a full-blown smoking relapse. Because, who are you kidding, right?
5. Bottom line: This decision is about you, not everyone else.
In conclusion, I would like to announce that I am not quitting smoking. I just haven’t had a cigarette in a while.
- Learn to Quit Smoking with This Advice (answers.com)
- 80% of Cancer Patients Won’t Stop Doing This (belmarrahealth.com)
- How to Stop Smoking (answers.com)
- QuitMasters for smokers who want to quit (medicine.com.my)
[Awww yeahhh 1993. What a bright pink bathing suit I’ve got there. Wait a damn minute, was that really almost twenty years ago?!]
Sometimes I forget about things. Sometimes I get lazy. Sometimes I do both simultaneously.
As I was driving down the highway, I could hear the ice chest in the trunk sloshing around. It sounded like I had a dead body back there. We were close enough to the next stop we were making on our way to Denham Springs for me to ignore it for a few more miles. We finally pulled up on the curb of a friend’s house. The caravan of cars ahead of us had filed neatly into the driveway.
I peeled myself from the driver’s seat and went around the rear of my car. I figured I would investigate what was causing my ice chest to slingshot around my back seat like a bouncy ball. My friend had initially loaded the ice chest. Since I frequently stash things in my trunk (don’t worry, nothing that’s alive… wait that didn’t sound right), I knew there was no telling what I would rediscover when I opened that door.
Whew, it was only an old box. A half-opened old box labeled memories. Read the rest of this entry
About two weeks ago, I finally pep talked myself back in to my workout regime. I keep it rather basic. Walking and running intervals for cardio, a few push-ups and squats, and a lot of stretching. All was going well, and I had finally gotten over the don’t wants phase, when my shoes decided they didn’t like my knees and proceeded to launch full on warfare.
Last year I purchased a pair of Sketchers Shape-Ups. A couple of my friends swore up and down their asses were on the fast track to putting Jennifer Anniston’s to shame, so naturally I joined the ass bandwagon. I didn’t run much last year, but I did justify my lack of working out by doing all of my shopping in those backstabbing shoes. Because I never had an issue with them (besides that they really do nothing for improving your physique), I didn’t think twice about lacing up this year and hitting the pavement.
Wednesday, while at the gym, I started to notice a few strange sensations. Read the rest of this entry
This was supposed to be an inspiring post about how I am no longer blindly following the suggestions of
mainly my parents others, but learning to guide myself. A story of revelations and the events that lead me there. A graceful notion about journeying to find passion I never considered before. How what I thought was supposed to be, was a world away from what is evolving in my life at present. Then, a clever transition into the detailing of obvious reasons I found that convinced me I belonged in another town. Somewhere not yet named. Finally it would come full circle by me relaying the list of goals this story inspired me to write and plaster to my fridge last night.
I actually wrote a lengthy detailed post. I began to edit. I realized it was an explosion of tiredly nauseating mind garble. Ctrl-A Backspace. Apparently the pictured quote up there goes for my blog posts as well. I’ll just blurt this out:
I downloaded a free trial version of Photoshop for the purposes of learning… *ahem*… attempting to learn. I am increasingly intrigued by web/design stuff. Basically,
Any advice, tips on where to start, discussions on web/graphic design, or crazy glances welcomed.
B. On the flip side, I am in the process of researching Pilates trainer certification schools outside of Louisiana. I need some movement in my life. Any one out there who has any insight on this would also be greatly appreciated as well. I am not new to Pilates by any means, but I don’t know much about the certification process.
At least it is not Tuesday anymore. And, I just got delivered a free bucket of soft peppermints. Jackpot.
- From AIM to CSS (25andfly.wordpress.com)
- Responsive Web Design – Ideas, Technology, and Examples (onextrapixel.com)
- Why do pilates? (thenoiseinmyheadtoday.wordpress.com)
In lieu of Mother’s Day this past Sunday…
It always bewilders me just how much (with every inch of my soul) I deeply believed that my mother was always so wrong. Although I’d always heard the adage, “mom knows best,” I convinced myself every time that her conservative old world thinking and new world culture bias was preventing her from thinking clearly. It is perfectly fine to give out my address over the internet. I don’t need a more practical degree. Love is all that matters in a relationship.
False. What isn’t false is that the proverb is true for a reason. My mother, along with all the other moms of the world, has a special secret weapon. Guess what? She has lived many more years than her offspring. She has lived, failed, learned, and gone to figure it out a little better the next time. Now, I am not saying that everything moms say is the holy grail of advice, or that when she tells you cats make better friends than humans, that you should clean out the pound of all things feline. I also understand not all moms are created equally. I am simply acknowledging that they know stuff. More stuff than I do at least. Either way, these are just a few of the ways I had to face the dreadful and horribly humbling thought revelation… my mom was right. Read the rest of this entry
Rule of Three: The idea that things happen in threes… more specifically/especially negative things. Also known as the poison ivy of bad luck.
Someone needs to deliver me some calamine lotion stat, because I believe my Iphone and I just went through a bad case of this theory. This sort of thing is so familiar to me that I could feel it coming. When I initially was given the phone, it only took two blissful and carefree months before my hand-held jewel became shattered by the very clumsy hands that held it. Having received my Iphone as a birthday gift a couple of years ago, I guess it was only a matter of time before it met its fate again.
Misfortune #1 – Sitting on my balcony hammering away at my keyboard after work one day last week, I lost track of time. Exhausted and surely one mosquito bite away from West Nile disease, I decided to call it a night. My mind is stubborn and conceited in thinking I can carry more items than I have appendages. You should see me carry groceries in from the store. Making more than one trip is not an option. Read the rest of this entry
I have been very proud of myself for staying home, saving money, and relaxing
this whole week the majority of the week. Recovering from last week’s whiplash was much needed. But, if you are anything like me, you can only maintain hermit status for so long. I needed some human interaction that wasn’t on a screen and conversation that didn’t start with the @ symbol.
The list of friends I had drinks and visited with were as follows:
Friend 1: A friend of over three years, with whom I worked in the service industry while in college. We didn’t exactly get along or really not get along when we initially met, but at some point we became great friends. It perplexes me when these phenomenons occur, and the thing is, almost all of my best friendships happen this way. Indifference towards each other straight to holy-shit-you-complete-me. I guess we just don’t realize how connected we are with our friends until we start thinking about how things were in the beginning. I’ll admit, we had help from a few bonding apparatuses… anything alcoholic and Sex & the City/Taxi Cab Confessions to name a couple.
[I have to come clean, I stole this photo from the Facebook of one of my friends. He doesn’t know. I don’t think he would mind. It is too creepy cool.]
As I was desperately trying to slap myself awake this morning with coffee and checking e-mail on my balcony, I got side tracked to Facebook (as usual) and this little guy popped up at the top of my news feed. I know this is not some once in a lifetime phenomenon of great significance caught on film. I know it isn’t like I am flashing around a candid photo of Nessi making love to a platypus while sipping tea. It is, however, a cool photo of an event I can not say I have witnessed in action. Talk about my friend being in the right place at the right time. Talk about me and my news feed having the right timing for me to burglarize pictures.
Cue deep thinking mode. I am definitely a firm believer in the congruency between our life courses and universal timing (can you tell I am trying to avoid using the phrase everything happens for a reason?). Now, I do not know the specific reason for my friend’s convenient timing for witnessing this locust emerging from his shell. Maybe had he not been so enthralled by this irrelevant occasion, pausing his life course continuum for a few moments, his whole future may have changed. Maybe I am just way too in my head this morning. Read the rest of this entry