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Lyrical Interpretations and Junk

Some musicians just have it, you know. That spark that let’s them enter a part of our brains in which they can do no wrong. It doesn’t happen often, but when it happens to me it is sort of otherworldly. The rhythm of the songs don’t get old, even the most asinine lyrics make sense, and I begin to think every album was written specifically for me.

For example, I give you Alanis Morissette. First of all, her name is fucking Alanis. That is the kind of name that makes the Sarahs, Lindseys, and Beccas  of the world feel like lemmings. Then there is her voice. Hurry, think of someone else who sounds like her (okay, besides that Meridith Brooks girl). You can’t.

alanis morissette meme

Keanu, you think of everything.

So you get it, I like Alanis.

I like her regardless of her blatant misuse of the word ironic. I like her regardless off the fact that she either has something very secret and important in one of her pockets at all times, or she’s trying to be discrete about getting off in public. I even like her regardless of the fact that she sings about cross-eyed bears. Those are  the lyrics, right? Right?!

That being said, this post isn’t actually about Alanis but rather inspired by her. It may sound jabby but remember, I already said that I liked her, so it is okay.

You all know her little song about “irony” (also known as things that are unfortunate). With all due respect, I can think of a few things that are worse than a free ride when you’ve already paid. If the ride is free you probably don’t want it anyway. Bam!

Here are five things worse than the original “Ironic” lyrics, because I am clever like that:

1. Ten thousand knives when all you need is a spoon. Think about it. It is way more painful to eat soup with a knife than to cut your PB&J with a spoon.

2. Your wedding day… in general. Zing!

3. A traffic jam when you’re already late to your last-chance court date. You’re going to jail, and it looks like someone else is going to have their hand in your pocket. No, probably just completely in your pants without your discretion.

4. Just a “no smoking” sign.  Obviously I haven’t quit yet.

5. Meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting all five  of his wives.  Say what you want, I just wasn’t brought up that way.

BONUS VLOG: About junk. The kind in your drawers. Not drawers as in underwear. Pervert.

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I Don’t Watch “Girly” Shows

Some things about me:

girl and kitten

Check out my mink stole!

1. I don’t eat cereal, but if I did I wouldn’t eat it with milk. That’s disgusting.

2. I don’t have barbies anymore, but if I did I would totally line them up on my ceiling fan blades and flip the switch to on. I make it rain… dolls.

3. I don’t have cable anymore, but if I did I would be watching the premier of the new season of Grey’s Anatomy in exactly ten days. Don’t look at me like that. There is sarcasm all up in that title.

Did I do the trifecta thing right Edward? I had a different Rule of Three experience, so I am not too sure.

So, what have we learned? I don’t like soggy food, or the word soggy, and I don’t  have the healthiest ways of entertaining myself. My previous barbies will vouch for that.

Speaking of entertainment and TV shows, I have discovered a new series. You’ve probably never heard of it, but it is named Dawson’s Creek. 

Somehow I was never properly obsessed with this show ten years ago when it actually aired. I was probably too busy seeing how many items I could sling off of my ceiling fan. I also remember being ridiculously consumed in The OC and fantasizing about seven minutes in heaven with Adam Brody. Between the two activities there wasn’t time for much else.

How I never so much as channel surfed my way to Dawson’s Creek in between dodging commercials is beyond my comprehension, but I didn’t. I fret not. Thanks to Netflix, I can now time travel back to the nineties and earn this right of passage. I might possibly be one of the last people still wondering when Dawson is going to get laid.

Regardless, It is nice to go back. Back when twenty-five years olds played fourteen year olds and there was always a moral at the close of an episode. Back when scenes became more intense with an Alanis Morissette song. Back when ceramic hair straighteners didn’t exist and actresses looked more like normal people.

With seasons one and two down, I began to wonder how much these fictional high school dramas have probably changed in a decade. After reading The Hook’s post referencing Glee, I don’t think I am quite ready to leave the nineties. Dawson and Joey may be frustratingly prude, but at least missionary sounds less dicey than scissoring. Cue audience laughter.

What is your favorite show from the 90’s?

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