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Lunch Break Wins and Fails

It’s payday, so I got to go drop off my check at the bank: WIN

So did everyone else in the entire city, at the very same bank: FAIL

Someone tell that kid to stop staring at my soul please.

Someone tell that kid to stop staring at my soul please.

I got a really rare flavored Dum Dum sucker from the teller: WIN

I left it in the tube: FAIL

bubble gum dum dum

I don’t know why this excites me. I don’t even like suckers.

I ignored my better judgement and decided to eat McDonalds: WIN

I realized I have a problem with french fries when the lady in the car next to me sheilded her children’s eyes from the sight of me smashing them into my face: FAIL

how i eat fries alone

The first step is acknowledgment…

I checked my WordPress app to see I have exceeded 19, 000,000 views: EPIC WIN

I am utterly dilusional: EPIC FAIL

wordpress stats

Stupid App.

 

Nothing fell out of my Big Mac when I removed it from the box: WIN

I Immediately bit into a pickle: FAIL

 

I found honey to dip my obesity sticks in: WIN

My fingers now stick to the keyboard: FAIL

first world problems

I can’t play on the internet with sticky fingers. It’s so unfair.

Remember kids, french fries should never be eaten individually, but always in groups.

It feels good to be back to silly.

 

becca cord signature

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My Gym Is Not a Gem

Now that I have fully recovered from my Sketchers catastrophe, I have resumed training for the Color Run. I am braving this 5k at the end of November. Training is so much more difficult than the actual run. Obviously, there are no strangers cheering me on by throwing powdered rainbows on me while I slave on the treadmill. There also isn’t a celebration with beer waiting for me after I complete my reps on the weight machine. Who am I kidding. We all know there is beer waiting in my fridge, but that doesn’t change the fact that training just… sucks.

How you actually look like when you run

Swap the bubbles for a beer and it’s pretty spot on.

To make matters worse, I have come to the understanding that either the place is just plain old bad luck, or the employees at my gym are purposefully sabotaging me. If the latter is the case, it is probably just because they are jealous that they don’t have the balls to workout in men’s long jonhs. I also don’t sweat, which is neat. Read the rest of this entry

Rule of Three

Shattered Iphone Screen

Rule of Three: The idea that things happen in threes… more specifically/especially negative things. Also known as the poison ivy of bad luck.

Someone needs to deliver me some calamine lotion stat, because I believe my Iphone and I just went through a bad case of this theory. This sort of thing is so familiar to me that I could feel it coming. When I initially was given the phone, it only took two blissful and carefree months before my hand-held jewel became shattered by the very clumsy hands that held it. Having received my Iphone as a birthday gift a couple of years ago, I guess it was only a matter of time before it met its fate again.

Misfortune #1 – Sitting on my balcony hammering away at my keyboard after work one day last week, I lost track of time. Exhausted and surely one mosquito bite away from West Nile disease, I decided to call it a night. My mind is stubborn and conceited in thinking I can carry more items than I have appendages. You should see me carry groceries in from the store. Making more than one trip is not an option. Read the rest of this entry

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