As I approach my 24th birthday in two weeks, I feel there are some apologies that need expressing.
1. First and foremost, I am sorry for that one time when I was ten and “accidentally” dropped that bird egg just to see what would happen. I knew. Hello instant guilt and remorse. On the bright side, I then crossed murderer off my potential what-ill-grow-up-to-be list.
2. I am sorry and ashamed that I still haven’t learned to spell accidentally or pursue correctly on the first try. If it weren’t for those squiggly red lines sometimes I swear…
3. I apologize to my Iphone for treating you like Ren treats Stimpy. You stupid idiot.
4. I am particularly sorry for that time drunk-artist-me drew a mural in the ladies bathroom with my lipstick at insert-local-bar-name-here. Mostly, because I will never find a more perfect pout paint. And, a special apology to whomever had to clean it up, but you know I made up for it at the regulars’ Christmas party.
5. I am sorry that the last sentence of the previous apology had sexual undertones. I assure you the Christmas party was only PG-13 at most, and that I didn’t take anyone in to a coat room. We don’t even have coat rooms down here.
6. I am sorry that half pint regularly posts photos like this on my Facebook.
6. Third floor apartment. No elevator. Do I even have to say it?
8. I’m sorry that number 7 was actually a lie. I am not sorry in the least. In fact, I want to make an album and use this photo mash up as cover art. Only with better shop-ing of my head.
9. No, I do not want to give you my name, number, e-mail address, pin number, fingerprint, and donate a dollar to the prevent paper cuts foundation. Sorry. I just want to go home.
10. More sincerely, I am sorry that I wasn’t thinking of what all that tanning with afro-sheen was going to do to my skin past the age of 16.
Here is to 24: the age when nothing happens. Isn’t it magical?
- Why Women Apologize So Much More Than Men (businessinsider.com)
- Lunchtime Quiz: The Ren & Stimpy Show (mentalfloss.com)
- 5 Tanning Myths You Can’t Afford to Believe (bellasugar.com)
[Look! I have a really cheesy cover, and I am cheap, but it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right? Click my obnoxious cover to buy me on Amazon. Yay!
[Also, the title says “for grown-up girls”, but that shouldn’t stop the fellas from checking it out. Would I steer you wrong? Well, not intentionally at least.]
I returned to reality and a Sunday of cooking stuffed bell peppers with a new addition to slide onto my make-shift bookshelf. In her normal fashion, Booger handed down a book to me as an early Birthday present. Its title is The Merit Badge Handbook for Grown-up Girls by Lauren Catuzzi Grandcolas. Her name makes my jaw hurt a bit, and I didn’t even attempt saying it out loud. Filled with activities, projects, goal ideas, and new learning/experience opportunities, you could think of this book as a sort of generalized bucket list and guide. My initial appreciative reaction was quickly followed with eagerness to start flipping pages. Upon doing so, something unexpected happened.
The beginning of this year had me sulking in the realization of all the things I have yet to do in/with my life. I have a hard time being patient when on a quest. Nothing was helping, especially not seeing all the cool stuff other people around me were doing. Then, I began writing again and went from sulking to basking in the new-found determination I had to start doing things. New or different or scary or silly or constructive or whatever kind of things, it didn’t matter. No more ruts. Read the rest of this entry