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My right eye-lid has been twitching for two days straight. People are starting to think I am a floozy walking around involuntarily winking at anything walking on two legs and occasionally some on all  fours. Slow your roll, I love animals, but I do draw the line somewhere.

But seriously, what I think this signifies is stress. I have been under a fair amount of it with moving plans and other TOP SECRET projects. So, I have decided to share an older video with you today.This was the first real video I created with my prized possession web cam. It’s basically an online dating profile video parody. Enjoy, and have an outstanding weekend y’all.

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This is My Festivus Post

The last time that I participated in any kind of gift exchanging game for Christmas was on a first date. Can you imagine that? You don’t have to. I will tell you how it goes. If you are me, that is.

awkward christmas

Holidays aren’t holidays until things get uncomfortable.

My date picked me up for dinner somewhere back in December of 2008. We were supposed to go to a simple dinner. Me and him. On the way to the restaurant, he receives a phone call, which he takes, and has a casual conversation from which I infer that plans are about to change.

Date: “That was my mom. My family is having a Christmas party down the road. Do you want to go? It will be fun”.

Sure, I love meeting entire families on first dates. 

Me: “Umm… I don’t know, I mean, I don’t want to intrude. They don’t know me.”

You barely know me.

Date: “Oh come on. They are super friendly. They will love you. There will be a lot of great food and presents.”

Me: “Presents?”

Date: “Yeah, they play Dirty Santa every year at this thing.”

As we continued down the highway, the dialogue went back and forth between him assuring me it wouldn’t be awkward and me trying to find a way to escape the moving car without looking obvious. Or killing myself. We ended up going, because I have an adverse reaction to telling people no, and guess what? It was awkward. Imagine that. Read the rest of this entry

The Man Huntress Revealed

Since I have been trying to keep track of The Attractive Male from 301 and failing, I called in some help from the The Man Huntress. I have been referring to this character since last week, and she is someone you may already know. Better known as Miss Four Eyes, I am sure she can tell you how the search went better than I can. I’ll let her take it from here:

Becca called me in to track down The Attractive Male from 301. This was, of course, on number one priority for me considering that he is not only attractive, but I hear that he showers at least once in a week. There has been a slight shortage of the species given the economic conditions. I knew it would be difficult to locate him, but I’m a professional; they don’t call me The Man Huntress for nothing.

Man Huntress

So first things first, I circulated a petition to bring The Attractive Male from 301 back to the gym, just like I promised Becca I would. I may have said something about being able to ogle at his nice rear-end while working out, because every single woman in the building signed it. We rallied up outside Becca’s building with our signs and megaphones and wore out our voices screaming all day.

I suppose in hindsight we should’ve gotten his actual name first. It is entirely possible that he does not go by The Attractive Male from 301 on a regular basis. By the end of it we had around 300 people with us. Okay, so some of them were feminist activists, and they were screaming “Stop Male from 301!” because they found a letter he sent to some woman threatening to take her to the police. There were also some things about handcuffs and spanking. And the PETA guys were waiting to throw paint at him for no reason other than because Mrs. Mink Coat, who they were originally waiting for, never got out of her house. Read the rest of this entry

Stuff’s a Brewin’

This is a quick post to announce a few things.

running shoe with toes

1. Behold a cool new running shoe that makes me feel like I am in the future. Or, a reptile. I haven’t decided.

2. I have a muscle in my rib cage that has been twitching for THREE WHOLE DAYS. I’m not aggravated by it or anything.

3. I can’t stop obsessing over my twitching muscle long enough to use two hands to type an actual post.

4. I spotted the disappearing fox from 301 yesterday in a turn of events.

5. I have hired the help of The Man Huntress to help me keep track of him from now on.

6. You will get to find out who The Man Huntress is soon enough if you pay attention.

Hint: She has double the visual powers of a normal blogger. You know, for spotting attractive men in the wild.

7. Rich, ignore this post. You are the only fox for me, even if you are a silver fox.

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