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If I Could Have A Beard For Just One Day…

hot lumberjack

Hey lady, I heard you like lumberjacks. Well you can stack my wood any day… YEAH!

My parents thought I was a boy up until a few short weeks before I was born. Surprise! I was penisless. My parents had even already decided on naming me Joseph. Why am I telling you this? Well, this week’s Blogger Idol topic is a day in the life of you if you were the opposite gender. Finally, I can delve deep into my penis envy. This will be cathartic. I can feel it.

I am pretty indifferent to the name Joseph, and being that I can’t think of a suitable male version of the name Becca, I am going to use my parents’ name fail. We will actually go with Joe for short, because I am a nickname kind of gal/guy. Please enjoy: A day in the life of Joe (I was either meant to participate in this blog prompt in some cosmic way, or I really have been watching way too much Dawson’s Creek)

As Joe, I wake up and admire my new junk. We are being honest here, right? Scratch that (not literally). Instead I will first sleep in until ten minutes before I head out the door. Five minutes for junk admiration and five minutes for teeth brushing, slapping on some Old Spice deodorant and throwing on my clothes. No shaving. I am a manly man freaking lumberjack and manly men freaking lumberjacks have beards dammit.

On the drive to work I am definitely jamming some Nirvana or some other band from the nineties and definitely not trying to lent roll my entire body while avoiding oncoming traffic. Real men don’t have cats, right? No, I think I now have a Great Dane named Joe the III. Read the rest of this entry

I Don’t Watch “Girly” Shows

Some things about me:

girl and kitten

Check out my mink stole!

1. I don’t eat cereal, but if I did I wouldn’t eat it with milk. That’s disgusting.

2. I don’t have barbies anymore, but if I did I would totally line them up on my ceiling fan blades and flip the switch to on. I make it rain… dolls.

3. I don’t have cable anymore, but if I did I would be watching the premier of the new season of Grey’s Anatomy in exactly ten days. Don’t look at me like that. There is sarcasm all up in that title.

Did I do the trifecta thing right Edward? I had a different Rule of Three experience, so I am not too sure.

So, what have we learned? I don’t like soggy food, or the word soggy, and I don’t  have the healthiest ways of entertaining myself. My previous barbies will vouch for that.

Speaking of entertainment and TV shows, I have discovered a new series. You’ve probably never heard of it, but it is named Dawson’s Creek. 

Somehow I was never properly obsessed with this show ten years ago when it actually aired. I was probably too busy seeing how many items I could sling off of my ceiling fan. I also remember being ridiculously consumed in The OC and fantasizing about seven minutes in heaven with Adam Brody. Between the two activities there wasn’t time for much else.

How I never so much as channel surfed my way to Dawson’s Creek in between dodging commercials is beyond my comprehension, but I didn’t. I fret not. Thanks to Netflix, I can now time travel back to the nineties and earn this right of passage. I might possibly be one of the last people still wondering when Dawson is going to get laid.

Regardless, It is nice to go back. Back when twenty-five years olds played fourteen year olds and there was always a moral at the close of an episode. Back when scenes became more intense with an Alanis Morissette song. Back when ceramic hair straighteners didn’t exist and actresses looked more like normal people.

With seasons one and two down, I began to wonder how much these fictional high school dramas have probably changed in a decade. After reading The Hook’s post referencing Glee, I don’t think I am quite ready to leave the nineties. Dawson and Joey may be frustratingly prude, but at least missionary sounds less dicey than scissoring. Cue audience laughter.

What is your favorite show from the 90’s?

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