Blog Archives

Me Vs. Mom Vs. Siri

Siri voice command

Driving on long boring road trips, like I did the last weekend, really does wonders for writer’s block. Not that I ever get that. You really have no choice but to let your mind wander. I found my thoughts rolling on top each other, connecting and branching out into explosions of thinking awesomeness. I can only imagine the inside of my head as looking like The Symbiote but less scary. Lacking pen and paper and furthermore, the skill to write anything legible while driving down the highway, I had to use my cellphone. I typed my thoughts in the notepad app. I can feel the judgmental *don’t text and drive* stares. I get it. I only did this because I had a friend in the car, and I didn’t want her to think I’d gone all Whoopi Goldberg on her with my body being invaded by a spirit. I was afraid she would do a tuck and roll out of the vehicle (I’ve watched the movie Ghost way too many times). Anyway, had I been alone, the voice memo recorder is wonderful for capturing thought blurbs on the go.

Other efficient ways in which I use modern cell phone technology:

  • I couldn’t live without Pandora Radio. I open this app before I even brush my teeth in the morning.
  • It is super convenient and easy to send pictures from my phone to my e-mail or Twitter in seconds.
  • If I need to search something lengthy while driving, I use the Google app with the handy voice search.
  • I do almost all of my banking right there on my phone. I can even deposit checks up to $1000.

How my mom uses modern technology:
Note: She has a more advanced version of the Iphone than I do. Unbelievable.

  • Is afraid to say inappropriate things to Siri because she “is afraid she will get in trouble”. Seriously Mom?
  • Finally gets ballsy and makes me listen to her curse at Siri to evoke (in her mind) hilarious responses.
  • Words With Friends
  • Words With Friends
  • Words With Friends
  • Draw Something
  • Words With Friends

Doesn’t she know Words With Friends is so last year?

becca cord signature

Behold the Feline Frock

Cat in a sweater sitting

It has been such a busy day that my abilities of being funny, witty or even mildly entertaining are as gone as the five cookies I ate for lunch. I have no regrets. So, yet again, I am going to let the internet do my work for me. Well, internet cats specifically (see next paragraph). I’ve got to stop doing this. I wanted to write about my adventures in drumming today and research some good electric sets, being that it has been almost a month since I have been able to attacked my acoustic. Since I sold it, I am missing it probably as much as everyone misses the old Facebook layout. I am in the market for a decent yet affordable electric set and figured I may luck out and receive some feedback from someone with input on the subject. I feel a little bit like my stress has been lingering in my shoulders lately. Oh yea, that’s because I haven’t been able to come home and beat the shit out of something for an hour every day until I am marginally a little more deaf. Duh. Maybe I will get to that post tomorrow. Read the rest of this entry

Doomed By My Dashboard

Wordpress stats page screenshot

Well folks, it is official. I may die today. It doesn’t help that every time I glance at a clock I seem to always catch 9:11am/pm, but this is getting ridiculous. Alright, I agree death is a little extreme, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I land face down in some freshly splattered cement or catch a pipe to the dome at some point today. I do work in a construction shop after all. I think I will just sit in my office with a neon fluorescent hard hat planted on my head and call it a day. Just not move an inch. I certainly will not accept any date requests from men named Jason tonight (like I get asked on dates by anyone under fifty anyway, pshh). In all seriousness though, I am pretty elated that I have almost hit 1000 page views Read the rest of this entry

A Morning Battle

Tomorrow I am off. I am pretty elated… minus the monstrous bug invading my office this morning. So, I am trying something different/fun. Consider it a little GIF-t from me to you (hopefully). Also, keeping it short and sweet today. (Hint: you have to click the linked bits for maximum hilarity)

Upon waking up this morning, I was in chipper spirits. Today is Thursday playing dress up as Friday, which is always acceptable. As I took my jaunt in to work, I could see that everyone was sporting the glow that accompanies a short work week. I flung open the door to my office ready to don my thinking cap for the day. No sooner than I had cozy-ed in to my chair, I caught glimpse of something (actual photo) out of the corner of my eye. Suddenly my lackadaisical day became seriously disturbed.

Let the battle begin.

First thing was first. I had to develop my strategy. Only two options seemed to prove practical. To crush, or to tactically poison. With no sufficient smashing apparatuses, I prepared to gas the unfortunate crawler. I took my stare off of the intruder for only a moment to grab my trusty can of Bug Stop. I whipped back around to find my opponent charging straight for me. Action had to be taken immediately. No more pussy footing around. After preforming a few flawless squirms, I  succeeded in sealing its fate. Once the last leg ceased twitching, I peered up to find that I was being watched the whole time. A co-worker was apparently entertained by my battle. I proceeded to shoot him one of these. Fin.

Can you tell I have a slight obsession with GIFs? Compliments of Reddit and ReactionGifs.com

BONUS – Because I have no self control.

becca cord signature

Cats: Mascots of the World Wide Web

cat dress

This is a dress. This is not just any dress. This is a dress covered in a print of cats. I came across this gem yesterday while shopping with a great friend of mine. She actually spotted it, and naturally we had to model it and take pictures for giggles. Not to offend, but who would actually buy this let alone wear it? Aside from the lovely aesthetics of this piece, the dress style alone could make even Gisele Bundchen look frumpy. Although I am often teased by my friends and family (pretty relentlessly) for mothering two cats of my own, this garment takes the title “crazy cat lady” to another level. Gee, how hypocritical. Anyway, I knew if there is one environment where cats are revered, it is the internet. I knew I had to share. Then things got out of hand when I composed this:

cat meme
Here is the lesson ladies and gentlemen. When all else fails, you have nothing interesting or relevant to write about, and you want to post something anyway, there is a simple solution. Post about cats. The things I do for internet. You’re welcome internet.
If you dare

%d bloggers like this: