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The Man Huntress Revealed

Since I have been trying to keep track of The Attractive Male from 301 and failing, I called in some help from the The Man Huntress. I have been referring to this character since last week, and she is someone you may already know. Better known as Miss Four Eyes, I am sure she can tell you how the search went better than I can. I’ll let her take it from here:

Becca called me in to track down The Attractive Male from 301. This was, of course, on number one priority for me considering that he is not only attractive, but I hear that he showers at least once in a week. There has been a slight shortage of the species given the economic conditions. I knew it would be difficult to locate him, but I’m a professional; they don’t call me The Man Huntress for nothing.

Man Huntress

So first things first, I circulated a petition to bring The Attractive Male from 301 back to the gym, just like I promised Becca I would. I may have said something about being able to ogle at his nice rear-end while working out, because every single woman in the building signed it. We rallied up outside Becca’s building with our signs and megaphones and wore out our voices screaming all day.

I suppose in hindsight we should’ve gotten his actual name first. It is entirely possible that he does not go by The Attractive Male from 301 on a regular basis. By the end of it we had around 300 people with us. Okay, so some of them were feminist activists, and they were screaming “Stop Male from 301!” because they found a letter he sent to some woman threatening to take her to the police. There were also some things about handcuffs and spanking. And the PETA guys were waiting to throw paint at him for no reason other than because Mrs. Mink Coat, who they were originally waiting for, never got out of her house. Read the rest of this entry

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My Gym Is Not a Gem

Now that I have fully recovered from my Sketchers catastrophe, I have resumed training for the Color Run. I am braving this 5k at the end of November. Training is so much more difficult than the actual run. Obviously, there are no strangers cheering me on by throwing powdered rainbows on me while I slave on the treadmill. There also isn’t a celebration with beer waiting for me after I complete my reps on the weight machine. Who am I kidding. We all know there is beer waiting in my fridge, but that doesn’t change the fact that training just… sucks.

How you actually look like when you run

Swap the bubbles for a beer and it’s pretty spot on.

To make matters worse, I have come to the understanding that either the place is just plain old bad luck, or the employees at my gym are purposefully sabotaging me. If the latter is the case, it is probably just because they are jealous that they don’t have the balls to workout in men’s long jonhs. I also don’t sweat, which is neat. Read the rest of this entry

Activities. So Many Activities.

color run 2012

So when I began writing this blog, one of my goals was to try new things this year. I can’t change the fact that I do not yet have the resources to make the move I want, the way I want just yet. So how do I pass the time? I signed up today to embarrass myself at the Color Run this year in New Olreans November 17th. Never have I participated in any kind of run (unless you count running from frogs). Running is not exactly my favorite physical activity, so it will also be a bit of a challenge. Although the race itself is laid back, and you don’t have to run, I’d like to attempt completing the whole thing without having to drop the pace. It is 3.1 miles of “color madness” and the final product is a human canvas turned multicolored splattered masterpiece by volunteers, sponsors and staff. Luckily for me, you can join teams so you don’t have to awkwardly run alone. Who am I kidding, I run like a gazelle. The bonus? After you become the next Pollock look-alike, you can go unwind over on Bourbon street. Read the rest of this entry

I Kneed New Shoes

Burning Shoes

About two weeks ago, I finally pep talked myself back in to my workout regime. I keep it rather basic. Walking and running intervals for cardio, a few push-ups and squats, and a lot of stretching. All was going well, and I had finally gotten over the don’t wants phase, when my shoes decided they didn’t like my knees and proceeded to launch full on warfare.

Last year I purchased a pair of Sketchers Shape-Ups. A couple of my friends swore up and down their asses were on the fast track to putting Jennifer Anniston’s to shame, so naturally I joined the ass bandwagon. I didn’t run much last year, but I did justify my lack of working out by doing all of my shopping in those backstabbing shoes. Because I never had an issue with them (besides that they really do nothing for improving your physique), I didn’t think twice about lacing up this year and hitting the pavement.

Wednesday, while at the gym, I started to notice a few strange sensations. Read the rest of this entry

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