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Go Home and Hug Your Houseplant

A while back I ran across the term “cum tree” on someone’s blog and had to Google it. The handful of other funky fauna I found along with my search got me to thinking.

The association with flowers and plants is that they are generally attractive and fragrantly appeasing. They are regularly gifted for loved ones on a myriad of occasions. They are even used as home decor. But, most people don’t know that not all plants are elegant nosegasms waiting to be plucked.

Amorphallus Titanum

Yes, this Amorphallus Titanum is just happy to see you.

I certainly had never heard of a “cum tree”. So I read up. In doing so, I ended up reading about some unheard of plants that also aren’t so pleasant to the senses, and in some cases, are pretty freaky in both the sexual and platonic senses of the word.

The modestly named “cum tree” has a real name. The  Pyrus Calleryana Chanticleer. The delightful smelling gem, also called The Bradford Pear Tree, smells of jizz and is apparently planted to adorn buffer strips and medians in large cities… unfortunately. I suppose it could also serve as a way to get her in the mood, “Hey baby, lets take a jaunt down this beautiful median and stop to smell the spunk roses for once”.

Or not. One whiff of those things, and I would imagine I was trapped in a teenage boy’s dirty laundry basket. Cum to think of it, I may have just realized why my brother’s room probably always stank. Excuse me while I go vomit like a frat guy on spring break. Read the rest of this entry

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