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Who Are You Ty Ling?

Apparently, according to Google translate, Ty Ling translates precisely to “Ty Ling” in English. I assume from this in-depth research that Ty Ling is not a phrase, adjective, verb, or even just a noun. It is a proper noun. A name. But who are you Ty Ling?

Recently, I have posted a few fortunes on my Twitter feed that I particularly enjoyed. Today for your entertainment, I will share with you my insight into this Ty Ling character, which I acquired by finishing off the box of his or her fortune cookies last night for dinner.  

ty ling fortune cookies

Ty Ling… Bigs? I have got to work on my product placement.

Fortune # 1: “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.”

What is impossible, Ty Ling, is how you got those slivers of paper into those cookies without fusing the two together during baking, or without breaking the cookie post bake. If they are even baked at all. Fun for you, sure. Mind boggling for me.

Fortune # 2: “Made in USA.”

You cheeky bastard, Ty Ling. This is my show, stop stealing it.

Fortune # 3: “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”

Really, Ty Ling? I bet that people wouldn’t agree with the same concept regarding babies. But thanks. I guess.

Fortune # 4: MIA

I guess you forgot to work your magic on that one, Ty. 

Fortune # 5: “Love is as necessary to human beings as food and shelter.”

You are throwing curve balls now, Ling. I have no clue where you get this shit. 

Fortune # 6: “Friendship is an ocean that you cannot see the bottom.”

False. I’ve seen all of my true friends’ asses.

Fortune # 7: “Let your hook be always cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be fish.”

This is not even a fortune. It’s simply sound advice. But, I do love salmon, so thanks.

If I have learned nothing else by this experiment, it is that Ty Ling is a sassy individual, and that his or her fortune cookies have the nutritional value just shy of cardboard sprinkled with nine grams of sugar.

Bonus nutritional fact: Fortune cookies contain zero milligrams of cholesterol but five-cookies-per-110-calorie-serving worth of blog material. They are a bargain.

How would your perfect fortune read?

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