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This is My Festivus Post

The last time that I participated in any kind of gift exchanging game for Christmas was on a first date. Can you imagine that? You don’t have to. I will tell you how it goes. If you are me, that is.

awkward christmas

Holidays aren’t holidays until things get uncomfortable.

My date picked me up for dinner somewhere back in December of 2008. We were supposed to go to a simple dinner. Me and him. On the way to the restaurant, he receives a phone call, which he takes, and has a casual conversation from which I infer that plans are about to change.

Date: “That was my mom. My family is having a Christmas party down the road. Do you want to go? It will be fun”.

Sure, I love meeting entire families on first dates. 

Me: “Umm… I don’t know, I mean, I don’t want to intrude. They don’t know me.”

You barely know me.

Date: “Oh come on. They are super friendly. They will love you. There will be a lot of great food and presents.”

Me: “Presents?”

Date: “Yeah, they play Dirty Santa every year at this thing.”

As we continued down the highway, the dialogue went back and forth between him assuring me it wouldn’t be awkward and me trying to find a way to escape the moving car without looking obvious. Or killing myself. We ended up going, because I have an adverse reaction to telling people no, and guess what? It was awkward. Imagine that. Read the rest of this entry

Gift Giving Intervention

give presents

[This is totally how I look handing over presents. I always keep a blue sky backdrop on my person to create a floating sensation and mystical aura. This way it doesn’t matter if your gift is so disappointing that it makes a pair of socks look like diamond earrings.]

Father’s Day is coming up (Sunday, June 17th). You are welcome for the reminder. My goal is to send a gift that actually arrives at my parent’s doorstep on time. Somehow I always seem to butcher timing, only to play it off by cursing the long gooey trail left by snail mail. It never fails. At least I can proudly say that the gifts themselves now always outshine the belated-ness. I am what you would call a recovered bad gift-giver.

I haven’t spoken of my friend Booger in a while, but my road to revival is really all thanks to her. It was Christmas of 2010 when I hit rock bottom. I was graduating college a week or so before the actual holiday, and my whole family was in town to celebrate a little bit of both occasions, including Booger. After the ceremony, we all went back to my apartment to exchange some presents. I don’t remember who went first in the swap-fest, but what happened next lead to a much needed self intervention.

Booger has always been the most creative and thoughtful present giver ever. Ever. So when I began scouring the gift bag she brought for me, I knew I would find nothing but pure gift gold. Everything she has ever given me has been something that I would never find on my own, something I don’t know I need but do, and if it has multiple gift layers, they all correspond and compliment each other better than popcorn and M&Ms. If you have never consumed this combination, I feel sorry for you. Moving on…

First, I drew from the bag a coffee mug that displayed “Crazy Cat Lady” across the side. Funny. Then, a classic black pencil skirt to start my new wardrobe as a working business woman. Practical . Next, a lunch bag and an umbrella. Clever and Cute. There were also a few other equally as enviable items. If there were judges around, they would have given an impressed standing ovation for such perfect delivery. Then, there was my gift to her. Read the rest of this entry

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