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“1”

For ten years now, or so it seems, I have had an unfinished, untitled post in the dusty cupboard of my dashboard. Actually, it was titled,  no title, which WordPress automatically assigns to all of those posts you begin to write knowing that you have no intention of finishing but that you begin to write anyway to make yourself feel like you gave it a shot.

The only text it contained read:

1.

This could only mean “1” of “1” things.

In my desperation, I attempted to write a list post. I know what I must have been thinking, “I can surely rattle off quickly, raise a few chuckles, and get my groove back”. Yet, apparently I went into the scheme unarmed, save for the numerals that would keep the words in queue. Well, “1” numeral at least. Today, I finish this list once and for all so that the uncapitalized no title will stop making my brain vibrate with discomfort.

Things That Come In “1’s”

1. 40 oz. beers in paper bags

2. The gummy vitamins that mutated into 1 whole gummy vitamin after I left them in my car in the middle of Summer

3. Kickboxing class

4. Cream cheese packets at Starbucks

5. Becca Cord

Things That Never Come In “1’s:

1.  People who play scratch off tickets at the cash register like it’s the casino

2. Gnats

3. Pomeranians

4. Overly enthusiastic, borderline creepy smiles at Starbucks

5. 5 for $25 panty deals at Victoria’s Secret

Whew! I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have conquered this post. Finally! I can move forward. I’ve been dying to write about so many things, yet I couldn’t stop staring at no title  and knowing that there was a list I needed to purge from my brain. I hope we can all get back to normal around here now.

I’d like to get back in the loop a bit, especially with Blogger Interactive right around the corner, and in hopes that it will shake up my creative juices again now that I have a bit of time freed up. If you comment, send me a link to something you have written in the past week, month, whatever. Something important or something you wrote just for fun. Laughs are encouraged. Thanks Flysters.

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Invasion

I know everyone must think this, but bugs in general are out to get me specifically.  Bugs and frogs, but today we are just going to discuss the bugs. They know my name, what apartment I live in, and have a tracking system planted somewhere on my vehicle that I can’t locate. I guess that’s because a bug made locator device would be rather microscopic, but whatever. The point is that they are watching me. They are. The proof is in the battles.

Show Down #1:

I never roll my windows all the way down in my vehicle. I’m have long hair, and I bitch when the wind messes it up. There I said it. I am very much a girl. A small crack will always suffice when needing fresh air. Until they missile their way into my vehicle that is. They strategically wait to strike until they see that I have exceeded 50 mph. On the highway. In rush hour.

They know my attempts to halt swiftly and counter attack will be futile.  Their tactics are flawless. I have yet to determine how they train for such accuracy.

bad woman driver

What people assume I am doing when they see me swerving during an ambush.

Car trick

What I am actually trying to do.

Becca: 0 Bugs: 1

Show Down #2: Read the rest of this entry

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