Blog Archives

Pimp My Blog

pimp my blog

Buttons be hydraulics for yo blog, and yo header be the spinnin’ rims.

So, have you noticed it looks a little less Raggedy Ann and a little more Audrey Hepburn in here? Actually, my blog probably has more in common with radioactive ladybugs than it does with Audrey Hepburn, but you get my point. Because we just get each other, right?

After becoming an official member of #BloggerIdolRejects (hash tag credit to Mr. ElGuapo) and pondering what absurd reasons the judging panel came up with to exclude me from the top thirteen, I began to think of ways that I could improve my blog. I came up with three conclusions that may help my case in the future:

Read the rest of this entry

Squashing One Moving Obstacle at a Time

becca cord and pets
[I finally captured Jack (front right), Ace (distant middle), and myself (part of me) all in one oddly angled and slightly blurry photo. Man, why am I even trying to become a writer when I am so obviously a photography prodigy.]

My mind has been trying to wrap itself around a certain obstacle I will eventually have to overcome. I will assume that you have caught on to the fact that I plan to move oodles of miles away when the time is right. I will also proudly say I believe to have determined the general region for my relocation. I’ll elaborate on that a little later. I can’t tell you specifics right now. You already know too much. What I can tell you, is that the region is well over a day’s drive from the end of the world tip of the boot.

My point? Well, I want you to take a good look at the animals in that picture up there. One of them is a seasoned and serial car pooper/vomiter/demon noise maker. I refuse to take Ace half a mile down the road let alone half way across the country. So, I did a little research to find out just how I would pull off the biggest kitty voyage ever attempted and what tools I would need to get me through it. Let me just put on my cat whispering gear.

What I assumed the solution would be: Fork over a ridiculous amount of money for some extra strength cat roofies and try to explain to hotel staff and onlookers at pit stops why I am waltzing around with two limp balls of fur like it is some sort of fashion statement, all while my cats remain in a coma for two days straight.

What I learned after a good old fashion Google session: Do not roofie your cat(s). Instead, I will follow the plan of action below. Read the rest of this entry

Me Vs. Mom Vs. Siri

Siri voice command

Driving on long boring road trips, like I did the last weekend, really does wonders for writer’s block. Not that I ever get that. You really have no choice but to let your mind wander. I found my thoughts rolling on top each other, connecting and branching out into explosions of thinking awesomeness. I can only imagine the inside of my head as looking like The Symbiote but less scary. Lacking pen and paper and furthermore, the skill to write anything legible while driving down the highway, I had to use my cellphone. I typed my thoughts in the notepad app. I can feel the judgmental *don’t text and drive* stares. I get it. I only did this because I had a friend in the car, and I didn’t want her to think I’d gone all Whoopi Goldberg on her with my body being invaded by a spirit. I was afraid she would do a tuck and roll out of the vehicle (I’ve watched the movie Ghost way too many times). Anyway, had I been alone, the voice memo recorder is wonderful for capturing thought blurbs on the go.

Other efficient ways in which I use modern cell phone technology:

  • I couldn’t live without Pandora Radio. I open this app before I even brush my teeth in the morning.
  • It is super convenient and easy to send pictures from my phone to my e-mail or Twitter in seconds.
  • If I need to search something lengthy while driving, I use the Google app with the handy voice search.
  • I do almost all of my banking right there on my phone. I can even deposit checks up to $1000.

How my mom uses modern technology:
Note: She has a more advanced version of the Iphone than I do. Unbelievable.

  • Is afraid to say inappropriate things to Siri because she “is afraid she will get in trouble”. Seriously Mom?
  • Finally gets ballsy and makes me listen to her curse at Siri to evoke (in her mind) hilarious responses.
  • Words With Friends
  • Words With Friends
  • Words With Friends
  • Draw Something
  • Words With Friends

Doesn’t she know Words With Friends is so last year?

becca cord signature

Google Images = Magic 8 Ball?

I am going to boston

Today it is official. I have two plane tickets purchased in my name for half pint and I to make our journey to Boston, MA for our birthday’s (July 21 and July 25). I have to admit, I had a fifteen minute panicky pause after sealing the deal on the tickets. I do this any time I spend a lot of money on something, so I will chalk it up to that. Just for good measure, I Googled “I am going to Boston” to see what Google Images would spit out. It would be a test. The picture above is the first picture that the search results produced for me. I am going to go ahead and allow myself to get excited instead of nervous about this trip. Why? If Google Images possesses any fraction of cosmic forces or intuitive powers, I am taking this as a good sign.

Great. Now that we have that out of the way, all I have to do is plan everything else. I should probably ask off of work too.

becca cord signature

Facebook, Y U Make Me Sad?

This morning, as I do most mornings, I arrived to work my usual fifteen minutes early. I snuggled myself in to my office, opened my files, email, and fired up the web browser. Then I almost mindlessly typed in f-a-c-e, and the rest manifested itself. Facebook. So, I began the trek of scrolling, reading, and taking in every detail until I felt satisfied. Only this morning did I realize it is not ever really satisfaction that I am experiencing. In fact, it is quite the opposite.

This is a relevant link. It is for clicking.

I don’t think I ever made the conscious observation that sifting though people’s Facebook posts could be making me feel less of myself. Nonetheless this is happening. Now, I am a pretty confident and positive person. I have some truely outstanding friends, few yes, but outstanding. I am intelligent and employed (whew). I don’t have a negative self image outside of Victoria Secret, etc. You get the point.  This is exactly why this article had me a little taken aback. Not only did it confirm what I was ignoring but made me feel a bit relieved at the same time, knowing I am not the only one experiencing this. Basically, Facebook is your cool older sibling having a slumber party. He will gladly let you in the room to see what is going on, only eventually to remind you that you weren’t the one with enough friends to have a slumber party of your own. Then he gives you a wedgie or something. Read the rest of this entry

%d bloggers like this: