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Hurricanes Make You Look Skinny

ocean makes my butt look smaller

If you don’t have a beach handy, then just saran wrap that thing. People do this, right?

This Saturday I forced myself to attend my friend’s Halloween party. I had been looking forward to going all week, however when the day presented itself, I felt less than motivated to get dressed up and trot around a party. Plus, the temperature conveniently dropped to a breathtaking forty something at night over the weekend. That’s almost subzero. That’s like dry-ice cold. I know science.

Had it not been for the heating powers of Jim Beam, I surely would have gone into shock or hypothermia or developed frost bite or something equally as dramatic and over exaggerated.

While hiding in the bathroom to regain feeling in my legs, I stumbled across this purely decorative had towel hanging out of the towel closet like it was drunk. Silly decorative hand towel, you don’t go there. I have not a single picture of me and my friends dressed up at the party, but I sure can deliver a picture of some inanimate and insignificant object. It’s not even a Halloween towel for shit’s sake!

At least I could find some use for my unrelated party photo. It’s for you people who are dealing with Sandy and her wrath right now. Don’t forget the pros of the colossal hurricane coming to a shore near you. You (and your bum) will look petite and attractive next to that thing. Not that you weren’t already.

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Ripstick Fail

WARNING: Extreme accents
After such a serious post, I’ll leave this here. Hurricane is coming and don’t know what to do?

1. Consume adult beverages
2. Steal kids toys
3. Embarrass self

LaLa, I hope this was at least mildly entertaining.

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Dear Hurricane Isaac,

I can confirm this as accurate

Thank you for giving us a reason to miss work, stay indoors, and get paid to drink like it’s the apocalypse.

The new blog is currently under construction. I should finish at some point that is undetermined … if I survive Isaac the hurricane. What I really mean is if I survive the hurricane parties. The torrential winds, spawned tornado, possible flooding and frightening sized hail don’t scare me. Pshhh.

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