[Awww yeahhh 1993. What a bright pink bathing suit I’ve got there. Wait a damn minute, was that really almost twenty years ago?!]
Sometimes I forget about things. Sometimes I get lazy. Sometimes I do both simultaneously.
As I was driving down the highway, I could hear the ice chest in the trunk sloshing around. It sounded like I had a dead body back there. We were close enough to the next stop we were making on our way to Denham Springs for me to ignore it for a few more miles. We finally pulled up on the curb of a friend’s house. The caravan of cars ahead of us had filed neatly into the driveway.
I peeled myself from the driver’s seat and went around the rear of my car. I figured I would investigate what was causing my ice chest to slingshot around my back seat like a bouncy ball. My friend had initially loaded the ice chest. Since I frequently stash things in my trunk (don’t worry, nothing that’s alive… wait that didn’t sound right), I knew there was no telling what I would rediscover when I opened that door.
Whew, it was only an old box. A half-opened old box labeled memories. Read the rest of this entry
[This is totally how I look handing over presents. I always keep a blue sky backdrop on my person to create a floating sensation and mystical aura. This way it doesn’t matter if your gift is so disappointing that it makes a pair of socks look like diamond earrings.]
Father’s Day is coming up (Sunday, June 17th). You are welcome for the reminder. My goal is to send a gift that actually arrives at my parent’s doorstep on time. Somehow I always seem to butcher timing, only to play it off by cursing the long gooey trail left by snail mail. It never fails. At least I can proudly say that the gifts themselves now always outshine the belated-ness. I am what you would call a recovered bad gift-giver.
I haven’t spoken of my friend Booger in a while, but my road to revival is really all thanks to her. It was Christmas of 2010 when I hit rock bottom. I was graduating college a week or so before the actual holiday, and my whole family was in town to celebrate a little bit of both occasions, including Booger. After the ceremony, we all went back to my apartment to exchange some presents. I don’t remember who went first in the swap-fest, but what happened next lead to a much needed self intervention.
Booger has always been the most creative and thoughtful present giver ever. Ever. So when I began scouring the gift bag she brought for me, I knew I would find nothing but pure gift gold. Everything she has ever given me has been something that I would never find on my own, something I don’t know I need but do, and if it has multiple gift layers, they all correspond and compliment each other better than popcorn and M&Ms. If you have never consumed this combination, I feel sorry for you. Moving on…
First, I drew from the bag a coffee mug that displayed “Crazy Cat Lady” across the side. Funny. Then, a classic black pencil skirt to start my new wardrobe as a working business woman. Practical . Next, a lunch bag and an umbrella. Clever and Cute. There were also a few other equally as enviable items. If there were judges around, they would have given an impressed standing ovation for such perfect delivery. Then, there was my gift to her. Read the rest of this entry
Rule of Three: The idea that things happen in threes… more specifically/especially negative things. Also known as the poison ivy of bad luck.
Someone needs to deliver me some calamine lotion stat, because I believe my Iphone and I just went through a bad case of this theory. This sort of thing is so familiar to me that I could feel it coming. When I initially was given the phone, it only took two blissful and carefree months before my hand-held jewel became shattered by the very clumsy hands that held it. Having received my Iphone as a birthday gift a couple of years ago, I guess it was only a matter of time before it met its fate again.
Misfortune #1 – Sitting on my balcony hammering away at my keyboard after work one day last week, I lost track of time. Exhausted and surely one mosquito bite away from West Nile disease, I decided to call it a night. My mind is stubborn and conceited in thinking I can carry more items than I have appendages. You should see me carry groceries in from the store. Making more than one trip is not an option. Read the rest of this entry