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Definitely Cry Over Expired Milk

My impulse purchasing has become a real problem as of late. I am not even paying attention anymore. Last night I was picking up a few beers and for some reason felt compelled to buy some milk too. I don’t even know why. I never buy milk. So, this morning I wake up and realize that I have milk, which is a rare commodity in my fridge. I open the little bottle and take a big swig.

It took me about half a second after I already swallowed my sip to realize that something was not right. I looked at the expiration date immediately.

expired milk

Thanks for leaving me with no option but to chug a beer at 11 am, because I had no other beverages with which to chase my rancid milk.

 

So that means that this milk has been sitting in some gas station cooler for over two weeks, and I picked it up, bought  it, and drank it. How does this happen? Maybe I should just stop buying things all together. I am not very good at purchasing.

Before you watch my new vlog below, I have a secret to tell you! Read the rest of this entry

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Bacon: The Candy of Meats

bacon roses(click for DIY for bacon roses)

This morning I woke up and realized I forgot to eat dinner yet again last night. I tend to do this when I am distracted by weekend activities. Famished, I slid to the kitchen and flung open my refrigerator. The contents of my fridge included bacon, milk, cheese, turkey, and pickles. I suppose I could have opted for a sandwich, but instead I cooked an absurd amount of bacon. Because it is Sunday and I am a sloth in training, I cheated a bit and cooked it in the microwave. Six strips nuked for about 4 1/2 minutes is the winning combination for the perfectly crunchy consistency that I enjoy.

Then, Standing over the stove, I dressed each auburn strip with a perfect ration of maple syrup. It is key to strategically allow the syrup to gather in the gorged parts of the bacon. Then, I washed them all down with ice cold milk. The amount of milk I chugged down was quite absurd as well. Being that the milk’s expiration date is today, I believe it was justified. Does anyone else cringe at the dried milk flakes that occasionally accumulate on the top of the jug? This shit just makes my skin crawl. I can not explain this phenomenon.

This is how I eat my bacon. Every. Single. Time. How do you like your bacon? I bet this guy could give you some tips.

As I write this I am having a conversation via text with a musician friend of mine. He is informing me about his upcoming tour in six weeks and inviting me to go meet some people down near New Orleans backstage at the Cowboy Mouth show this evening. Sadly, I had to decline because of that little thing that is ruiner of all things fun called work tomorrow. Then, to make things worse, I realize I have just written an entire post about bacon. Oh yea, and wasn’t I supposed to be at the beach right now? Sigh. If there is one thing that can get me through this, its going to be the bacon. Definitely the bacon. Back to the microwave.

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