Shower Beer

Dude, my blog was kind of an ass last week huh? I finally gained some sort of control. It was actually quite simple to distract my blog so that I could post as me again. I simply opened a movie containing a lot of nudity on Netflix in one tab while I wrote this post in another. Apparently my blog has a problem with the ways in which I unwind in the privacy of my own home, so in spite of my blog hijacking last week, I am going to continue my lush activities. One being the shower beer.

Beaver says… even Michelob Ultra makes a good shower beer.

My coozie says beaver on it. It’s okay to laugh. I know that beavers are totally funny animals in general and really have nothing to do with naked girls taking showers, so I understand how hilarious it is. Beaver.

Now, if you notice in the left photo, I have made sure to censor my entire shoulder and not show any of my armpit either. That would have just been a tease. Plus, I know better than to expose myself like that on the internet. The plus side is that you can still say you have technically seen Becca in the shower. No one will know it was only from my shower beer up.

What is a shower beer you ask? The answer to all of your problems. That’s what. Had a bad day at work? Wash it away while you wash down your favorite lager. Just broke up with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Good, more beer for you and your shower. Didn’t make it to the gym today? Sweat it out under the scalding water with a Bud Select 55 and call it a day.

It isn’t just comforting in times of distress either. You can also resort to a shower beer in times of celebration. Someone bought you a free six-pack? It’s probably because you are charming and worthy, so have that first ice-cold brew under the cascades of your home-made waterfall. Had a sexy day? Make it even sexier with a shower beer. Finally quit your awful day job? Stay in the bathroom until all of the hot water is gone and down as many bottles as you can. You don’t have to wake up tomorrow!

Are you getting the point here? There is never a bad time for this ritual. This is the ultimate indulgence, and the best part is that no one is judging. Your shower head and shampoo bottle will never give you a hard time about downing that pomegranate raspberry Michelob while you scrub your guns and pecs with a pink loofah. You can even enjoy a bath beer in substitution for the shower beer without guilt. It still counts.

If you don’t drink, start drinking. Or as another alternative, grab an O’douls or maybe even a root beer and get naked. Either way, you deserve it.

ADDENDUM: This Thursday is Valentine’s Day. I am sure you are overly aware. The good news is that instead of posting some bitch-fest post, or gushing about a boyfriend, I did something much cooler and way less annoying. I got together with Adam over at My Right to Bitch headquarters, and we came up with a new tradition for the holiday. Be sure to tune in Thursday for our insane collaboration! 

Related articles

• Popping Open a Beer Before Noon (alimoongoddess.com)
• Beer Review: Wild Blue Blueberry Lager (othemts.wordpress.com)
• Beer goggles: Seeing beer glasses in a whole new light (redenvelope.com)

A Read For Writers and Other Passionate People

davinox comments on Tips for young writers, anyone?. (Reddit link – r/bestof)

I just wanted to share this in place of a forced post today.

Also, I wanted to announce that I am working on a possible second blog that I hope will be of interest. Sometimes I feel a bit narcissistic only writing here about things like my picture-taking preferences or hashing out how to avoid my cats’ excrement in vehicle rides. So, I have decided to try to see an idea for a supplementary, more focused blog to fruition. I have no time frame for when the launch will be, but I am keeping this blog as well. Don’t go binge drinking in depression tonight. In fact, better let me hold on to your liquor for you, you know, just in case.

In the meantime you could check out the Better Blogger Network. The featured member looks a lot like me, and I feel scared that someone has cloned me. Plus, you should join if you are a blogger and add me (or clone me) as a friend.  I have all of about five friends, and I think one of them is secretly my cat on a fabricated profile. You could also grab a button while you’re at it to flare out your page all Office-Space-Chotchkie’s style.

Related articles

• The Plight of the Girl Tech Blogger (theatlanticwire.com)
• More Intelligent Life (huffingtonpost.com)
• Writer’s Tip #18: Yeah, You Have to Force Yourself to Write (worddreams.wordpress.com)

A Morning Battle

Tomorrow I am off. I am pretty elated… minus the monstrous bug invading my office this morning. So, I am trying something different/fun. Consider it a little GIF-t from me to you (hopefully). Also, keeping it short and sweet today. (Hint: you have to click the linked bits for maximum hilarity)

Upon waking up this morning, I was in chipper spirits. Today is Thursday playing dress up as Friday, which is always acceptable. As I took my jaunt in to work, I could see that everyone was sporting the glow that accompanies a short work week. I flung open the door to my office ready to don my thinking cap for the day. No sooner than I had cozy-ed in to my chair, I caught glimpse of something (actual photo) out of the corner of my eye. Suddenly my lackadaisical day became seriously disturbed.

Let the battle begin.

First thing was first. I had to develop my strategy. Only two options seemed to prove practical. To crush, or to tactically poison. With no sufficient smashing apparatuses, I prepared to gas the unfortunate crawler. I took my stare off of the intruder for only a moment to grab my trusty can of Bug Stop. I whipped back around to find my opponent charging straight for me. Action had to be taken immediately. No more pussy footing around. After preforming a few flawless squirms, I  succeeded in sealing its fate. Once the last leg ceased twitching, I peered up to find that I was being watched the whole time. A co-worker was apparently entertained by my battle. I proceeded to shoot him one of these. Fin.

Can you tell I have a slight obsession with GIFs? Compliments of Reddit and ReactionGifs.com

BONUS – Because I have no self control.

Cutting the Cord with Cable

When I am not intimidating big burly off-shore men as safety personnel by day, or out getting my billiards on at night, you can usually find me at home. More specifically in these two places:

I have composed a short list of things I do when I am at my pad: (Note: all of these activities are performed while listening to the radio, my Ipod, or Pandora and usually a combination of all three. There are many pirouettes, hair whips, and running sock slides accompanying these activities as well. I have all wooden floors, so it’s only fair to use them.)

1. Read, write, Reddit, Chive, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Basically I do the Internet.

2. Cook… or pull out every snack item I own in attempts to put together a quasi-meal instead of cooking. The majority of the time I actually do cook, but come on, even award winning chefs get lazy right?

3. Sit on my balcony drinking wine while on the phone for extended periods of time, usually with Booger. You see, all of my friends decided to abandon me simultaneously, like I am the riot gun and they are the rubber bullets, so the phone time is essential .

4. Clean.

5. Chase around this ferocious and boisterous beast that refuses to accept that my kitchen counters are not his personal play towers.

There is more, but those are the main events at club Becca. What’s the point in me telling you this?