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“1”

For ten years now, or so it seems, I have had an unfinished, untitled post in the dusty cupboard of my dashboard. Actually, it was titled,  no title, which WordPress automatically assigns to all of those posts you begin to write knowing that you have no intention of finishing but that you begin to write anyway to make yourself feel like you gave it a shot.

The only text it contained read:

1.

This could only mean “1” of “1” things.

In my desperation, I attempted to write a list post. I know what I must have been thinking, “I can surely rattle off quickly, raise a few chuckles, and get my groove back”. Yet, apparently I went into the scheme unarmed, save for the numerals that would keep the words in queue. Well, “1” numeral at least. Today, I finish this list once and for all so that the uncapitalized no title will stop making my brain vibrate with discomfort.

Things That Come In “1’s”

1. 40 oz. beers in paper bags

2. The gummy vitamins that mutated into 1 whole gummy vitamin after I left them in my car in the middle of Summer

3. Kickboxing class

4. Cream cheese packets at Starbucks

5. Becca Cord

Things That Never Come In “1’s:

1.  People who play scratch off tickets at the cash register like it’s the casino

2. Gnats

3. Pomeranians

4. Overly enthusiastic, borderline creepy smiles at Starbucks

5. 5 for $25 panty deals at Victoria’s Secret

Whew! I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have conquered this post. Finally! I can move forward. I’ve been dying to write about so many things, yet I couldn’t stop staring at no title  and knowing that there was a list I needed to purge from my brain. I hope we can all get back to normal around here now.

I’d like to get back in the loop a bit, especially with Blogger Interactive right around the corner, and in hopes that it will shake up my creative juices again now that I have a bit of time freed up. If you comment, send me a link to something you have written in the past week, month, whatever. Something important or something you wrote just for fun. Laughs are encouraged. Thanks Flysters.

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10 Things You Should Know About Your First “Real” Job

letter opener

Not just some strange office supply guillotine

1. Go ahead and come to terms with the fact that after the initial month or so of getting used to your new schedule, you may never sleep past 8:00 again.  Also, your hang-overs just automatically went from a 3 to a 10 on the I’m-never-drinking-again scale, so be prepared.

2. You can be twenty minutes early every day to work, and no one will notice, but the one day you are late will live in infamy.

3. The picture up there? That is a letter opener. The only one I saw before looked like a dagger out of a scene from The Princess Bride.

princess bride dagger

4. Do not, under any circumstances, disclose information regarding your personal life unless you are one hundred percent ok with the entire office knowing about it. Your “work wife/husband” will betray you and  you won’t get half of his/her paycheck in the divorce. My advice is: be so vague that you are borderline vogue.

5. You are young, so if you have a significant other, you are facing two options. At some point, someone will inquire about your relationship status. If you claim single, people will either perpetually ask you how your weekend was with that insinuating eyebrow lift, or they will try to set you up with anyone with a pulse. This is usually accompanied by the same look one gives an orphan puppy. In the case that you do admit to a taken status, everyone will want to know your significant other’s entire pedigree. Cue advice you didn’t ask for.

6. No one is going to remind to take your vacation days. No one will nag you to join in on the company insurance plan. No one will automatically sign you up for that 401K plan promised to you. You have to keep up with making sure these things get put in to action.

7. The phrase “just kidding,” or “you know not to take it seriously,” or any such equivalent is simply a cop-out for people to feel like they aren’t really actually sexually harassing you.

8. You can’t just sit anywhere at the Christmas party brunch. If you are the newest member to ABC Inc., you sit last. Same goes with parking. On any day.

9. Never pay for coffee. My love affair with Starbucks is strong too, but for $4 a day, you mind as well be a pack a day smoker. Minus the whole cancer thing.

10. Be aware of the sneaky Bcc (blind carbon copy) in e-mails. If you are anything like me, you didn’t even know what the plain cc meant let alone one with sight issues. Bcc is a way of attaching multiple recipients to an e-mail without those recipients being able to see everyone attached. So, if Suzie isn’t getting her part of a project done, and I send her an e-mail addressing the problem with a Bcc to our supervisor, Suzie’s response could either doom or save her all while she has no idea boss woman is watching. Shady? Yes. Does anyone care? No.

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Close Enough

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Pictures usually make more sense with context. Get your read on.

Lately I have been so busy day dreaming about playing in someone else’s sandbox thousands of miles away, that I forgot all about the perfectly fun kiddie pool in my own back yard. This weekend I decided to post up in that kiddie pool. Basically, I went on a little excursion through my own neck of the woods. I have been needing a weekend away, and since I have yet to make a road trip or fly out to one of my travel destinations for the year, I had to satisfy my craving for some highway relaxation.

Friday after work began my trip. I responsibly got my oil changed, ran home to grab some essentials, and bid adieu to Jack and Ace for the weekend. Before I hopped in my Xterra, I checked my mail. Having forgotten that I ordered some KCCO playing cards from theChive, I was pleasantly surprised that they had arrived just in time for the weekend. Man, the open road felt so cathartic… even though my destination was only a 45 minute coast across the basin.

Z made a list of bars he wanted to crash. He has only been living in Baton Rouge for a couple of weeks, so he was taking advantage of his drinking buddy tagging along for a night. The first bar we visited was The Cove. Read the rest of this entry

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