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Versus: Part Two

Hello Flysters! It has been a hot minute, right? Well, I promise I have a good excuse. Probably the best, most relevant excuse in the history of 25toFly. I MOVED.

backseat tetris

I can finally add “experienced in backseat Tetris” to my resume.

A whole month before the deadline I set for myself a year and three months ago, I finally moved. In light of the exciting news, I have revamped my about page, lined up some surprises, and launched the Boost YOUR Ideas page. Thank you for coming along this journey with me. I couldn’t have done it without your encouragement. Now on with the stuff that kept you reading in the first place…

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If you aren’t up to speed with my versus experiment, you can check out Part One here. Basically, I have discovered that humans have absolutely no idea what we like or don’t like or why. My first set of versus observations involved food and beverage. Today, I have a few other categories to explore. Get a napkin before I blow your mind.

Broadcast Entertainment Vs. Owned Entertainment

My DVD collection isn’t exactly vast, and I cringe every time I see the face of Kristen Stewart blankly staring up at me from the special edition case of Twilight that my mom gave to me as a gift three years ago. Out of the few movies I do own, 99% of them were given to me or accidentally stolen mysteriously manifested themselves on my DVD rack. This is because I do not buy movies. The only movie I have ever purchased in my life is Bridesmaids. This is because I do not watch movies more than once. And you can’t beat Maya Rudolph shitting in the street.

I don’t watch a movie more than once, unless of course it has carefully been selected by network television and airs back to back over a weekend. I’ve seen the movies Ghost and Dirty Dancing approximately 1,456 times… each.   The Notebook is on FX you say? Get the fuck out of my chair and don’t touch my popcorn or else you will be the one with memory loss after a swift elbow to the noggin. If any Adam Sandler movie is on, you can basically assume that the TV has absorbed me like that little girl from Poltergeist. Oh yeah, poltergeist, that’s another one.

poltergeist

Jack is obsessed with Tom and Jerry. How adorable.

Had I owned any of these movies they would be collecting cat nip dust on a shelf. I guess I just can’t enjoy my movies without the painful interference of bad commercials and censored words like “BLEEP” and “BLEEP”.

Radio Vs. Ipod

Here we have a similar phenomenon. With an Ipod and Pandora Radio app on my Iphone, you would think I’d never run out of something to jam, right? Wrong. About a minute after I urgently cough up 99 cents for a must-have song that I will out play to the point of nausea, I am just as soon shuffling to the next crappy song to avoid puking on my steering wheel. Repeat cycle.

Pandora is a whole other beast. Whoever decided that you only get five skips within the hour is obviously the type of person who eats the same bowl of cereal for every meal. Gross.

Recently I bought and downloaded that song by Mumford & Sons and accidentally fell asleep with it on repeat. When I woke up, I felt as though the hemispheres of my brain had fused together and every time I tried to form a sentence all that would come out was, “I will wait, I will wait, I will wait”. Needless to say, I swore off the song forever. Ten minutes later, as I was driving to grab a smoothie, I realized I was beaming rays of kitten kisses out of my ears as I giddily sang along with the very song I had just banished from my life.

What gives?

Your Cat Vs. My Cat

Speaking if kitten kisses, I will leave you with this last enigma. As everyone must know, I have a cat. He is quite famous actually…

DWIGHT CAT MEME

Cat and snake = cake

Sure, I enjoy petting my cat (shut up), but for some reason it never compares to petting someone else’s cat (shut up!). Maybe it is the uncertainty of whether or not the unknown cat will enjoy my advances or try to slit my wrist with its claws. Maybe it is the excitement of newness and the unknown. Maybe I am just secretly resentful of Jack’s fame.

What kind of weird versus situations do you find yourself in?

Everyone do me a favor and follow @BlogInteractive on Twitter for updates and information on this year’s big meet up in Austin, TX. Even if you do not plan to attend, you can still live vicariously, or even organize a meet up of your own. We will feature it on the official site which will be launching SOON. Thank you!

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Versus: Part One

I have come to the realization that our brains are designed to trick us. They are designed to make us think we are consistent, in control, and then they bitch slap us so hard that all of our five senses start swapping spit. It’s like a form of sadistic entertainment to the eyes of the universe. What I have discovered, to sum it up, is that we have absolutely no idea what we like or don’t like or why. Hear me out.

Evil Brain from Outer Space_001

Because we are all made of stars anyway, right?

This is the simple case study of one human (me), faced with a series of versus tests. The first set that I will share with you involve edibles.

Candy Vs. Bank Suckers

As I have mentioned before, I am not a huge fan of sweets. Not only have I not had a birthday cake since I was too young to know not to stick things up my dog’s butt, but I am also just not a candy person. Before you say anything about chocolate, check yourself. Comparing chocolate to candy is like comparing filet mignon to a hot dog. Chocolate is not candy.

Candy is that artificial sweet, turn my mouth weird colors, get stuck in my teeth, and make me choke on the new thickness of my saliva kind of junk. I don’t like it. You get the point.

So, when I am sitting in the bank queue as my receipt floats back down the magic tube, I peer down into the plastic hovercraft to find a sucker the size of Stuart Little’s umbrella, and I am delighted. Utterly delighted I tell you.

Dum Dums

I can confirm they are appropriately named for the intended target market.

Yeah, that’s right, I got the sucker because I am the nicest and most charming customer on the planet. Definitely not because I am the sucker.

I suavely give the tellers a wink through the glass as I drive past. Then, I even eat the sucker. Down to the stick. Had my roommate walked up to me and handed me a lollipop for no reason, I probably would have grudgingly stared down at the pathetic offering before I smacked it out of her hand and shrieked a forceful, “No!” But bank suckers are just different.

Hotdog Vs. Free Hotdog at Work

The aforementioned isn’t my first offense in the area of edibles versus edibles. Speaking of hot dogs, for example, I wouldn’t particularly say that I hate them. Certainly not as much as my brain thinks I hate candy suckers outside the confines of Capital One, but you also won’t ever find Oscar Mayer hanging around my kitchen. I have even been known to forgo an entire meal at cookouts because of my disdain for hot dogs.

hotdog

Who puts this kind of filth on the internet? Ugh. #smdh

So naturally, when they used to bring us free hot dogs at my old office (for breakfast at that), I would fight with my elbows out. I would fight with grown men. I would lie, steal, and cheat just to make sure I got my hands on one of those delicious free hot dogs. And then I would devour it like. Like that made any sense at all.

Can Coke Vs. Bottle Coke

Finally, something I can talk about that I actually like. Here in the south we call any form of soda a Coke. Want a Sprite? That’s cool. I’ll be right back with your Coke. As I was saying, I have a wonderful relationship with Diet Coke. I don’t care if it is bad for me or if I am voluntarily embalming myself from the inside out. At least I’ll make a pretty corpse.

While I prefer fountain Cokes and Cokes poured into a glass over ice, I don’t discriminate too harshly against canned Coke or even Coke in plastic bottles. In fact, nothing can make Coke worse, but there is something that can make it ten times better.

bottle coke

Please excuse my soda boner.

Put a straw in me, I’m spent. There is nothing better than a Coke in a glass bottle. The straw is just there to blow your mind a little harder. Because it is definitely not the same exact artificially colored, cancer inducing, brown liquid coming from out of those cans, fountains, and plastic bottles. No no, this is different. Better.

Part Two is on deck!

 

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