My parents thought I was a boy up until a few short weeks before I was born. Surprise! I was penisless. My parents had even already decided on naming me Joseph. Why am I telling you this? Well, this week’s Blogger Idol topic is a day in the life of you if you were the opposite gender. Finally, I can delve deep into my penis envy. This will be cathartic. I can feel it.
I am pretty indifferent to the name Joseph, and being that I can’t think of a suitable male version of the name Becca, I am going to use my parents’ name fail. We will actually go with Joe for short, because I am a nickname kind of gal/guy. Please enjoy: A day in the life of Joe (I was either meant to participate in this blog prompt in some cosmic way, or I really have been watching way too much Dawson’s Creek)
As Joe, I wake up and admire my new junk. We are being honest here, right? Scratch that (not literally). Instead I will first sleep in until ten minutes before I head out the door. Five minutes for junk admiration and five minutes for teeth brushing, slapping on some Old Spice deodorant and throwing on my clothes. No shaving. I am a
manly man freaking lumberjack and manly men freaking lumberjacks have beards dammit.
On the drive to work I am definitely jamming some Nirvana or some other band from the nineties and definitely not trying to lent roll my entire body while avoiding oncoming traffic. Real men don’t have cats, right? No, I think I now have a Great Dane named Joe the III. Read the rest of this entry