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Marriage and Babies and Love Oh My!

anti marriage

Look at that thing. What an eyesore.

I have determined that I am missing the get-married-and-have-babies gene. While other girls were fantasizing about veils and vows, I was seeing how many objects I could sling from my ceiling fan. Or, I was possibly making my stuffed animals bungee jump from the stairwell balcony. I was creative like that. Here are some other conclusions that lead me to this revelation about myself:

– When someone tries to pass me a baby, I lose all knowledge of how to use my arms.

– I usually don’t know what to say around babies so I just keep repeating, “Aw” and “He’s adorable”. That’s usually when they tell  me it is a girl.

– Veil? More like fail.

– I think wedding dresses are ugly. I’m a monster, I know.

– When they showed us a video of a human giving birth in Biology 101, I burned down the entire building. So much for becoming a doctor.

– I’d rather buy myself a diamond ring and call it a day.

– I get self-conscious simply walking down the grocery store aisle with no one even around. Me? In a wedding? Talk about Run Away Bride part two.

– I got talked into baby sitting one time. Somehow the kid ended up playing with a knife. I think that speaks for itself.

– I threw a baby bird egg on the cement once just to see what would happen. Not a good sign.

– If I marry some dude I think I run the risk of him stealing my long johns. That’s not happening.

– Don’t cats try to kill babies? I have two cats. Do the math.

– If I marry I will surely divorce. That means someone gets half of my stuff. This blog is part of that stuff. My blog would then turn into 25T or oFly. That’s just ridiculous.

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